Tuesday, February 22, 2011

How much for the Doggie in the Nightmare

My family had a wonderful pet dog years ago. Her name was Kelly and she was a little black labmuttmix of a dog. We had inherited her from several families who could no longer keep her. She was a quite dog, perhaps a little up there in age but still very active. She had a pretty good temperament, although she was a bit whiney at times. But overall she was a really good dog.  One year my sister, father and I went camping and we couldn’t take the dog with. My mother also went out of town so we left Kelly with my Aunt and Uncle. Now I don’t blame them for this but at some point Kelly made her escape from my Aunt and Uncle’s never to be seen again.  That was pretty sad for my sister and I. We never even got to say good-bye.

Last night she visited me in a dream and it was very strange because it was all about her untimely passing. I dreamed that the dog had never run away from my Aunt’s house and she was still living with my mother. She was older and grayer but still the same old wagging tail. In fact there was some sort of party going on at my mother’s house; nothing outrageous but certainly a family affair.  Kelly was happily trotting around all the guests, wagging her tail furiously with all the attention. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at all, except for the fact that something didn’t seem right. I wasn’t aware I was dreaming but I felt something was a little strange.

The dream changed to the following morning after the party and my mother called me to her house. We talked of various things, nothing of consequence until I noticed Kelly wasn’t around. I asked her where the dog was and she said that she must have had too much excitement last night. My mother said she found Kelly dead, in the middle of the kitchen floor. She had already taken care of her though. I remember I started to cry. I didn’t remember crying when we actually lost Kelly in reality, but in the dream I started to bawl.

It was then that it dawned on me that it was a dream. Reality slowly set in and I realized we had lost Kelly years ago and there was no way that my mother had found her dead in the kitchen after having wagged herself to joyous death. I was still sad though. I thought that maybe I never mourned the loss of Kelly and my mind finally let loose on it.

I felt pretty low after I got out of bed. The dream lingered a bit and I could see poor old Kelly running around in my mind. I had a few memories of her flood back and the thought of getting up and going to work seemed tiresome and useless. I was tempted to call into work, saying I was mourning the loss of my dog, 23 years ago. (I’m not sure if it has been 23 years but it sure feels like it.)  I didn’t of course.

I was glad to see our old dog though, even if it was just in my dream. I’m sure she symbolized something but I’d like to think that maybe she stopped by to frolic a bit and just say, “Hey, remember me…bark, bark”.
I guess it wasn't a nightmare so much as it was a powerful emotional release, which for a stoic like me, might be considered nightmarish. I guess there are times when everyone misses their dog.

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