Friday, May 27, 2011

Sound Check

Is this thing on? (pat, pat, pat) Testing… testing…

So I got on the elevator this morning with a young woman. She was looking down at her phone, texting or sexting or something and after I pressed the button for the 7th floor she looked at me and said, “Please press six for me”.  I stopped and said, “What?”. I really thought she had said something else; something pretty obvious and inappropriate for an elevator, unless you’re in a Vegas hotel. But I really thought she said it. Once I figured out what she actually said I did as she asked and then mentioned the fact that I REALLY thought she said something else. She seemed moderately amused and then got off the elevator at her floor and I was left alone with my thought.

Hello? (thud) I know you’re out there…. I can hear you breathing through your mouth. Stop that, it’s gross.

As I walk through the world I do my best to avoid stepping on people’s spit on the sidewalk. People. Please. Stop spitting on the sidewalk. It’s disgusting. If you must spit, please spit in the street. I don’t want to step in your bodily fluids. Ever. You’re not a baseball player.

In sporting news, the Chicago Bulls were eliminated from the playoffs by the dreaded Miami Heat. It was a pretty good series and many Bothans died. (Sorry, I needed a Star Wars reference there for some reason.)

Most importantly, it’s Memorial Day weekend. I think we should all spend part of this time watching at least one John Wayne war movie and maybe one Tom Hanks war movie/series. But more importantly, it’s to honor those that lost their lives for The United States of America. America’s first war on terror was in 1805 against the pirate forces of Tripoli during the first Barbary War. It was the first recorded battle the United States fought overseas.  So maybe try to remember that one whilst you get your grill started and yell at the kids to stop throwing rocks at that bee’s nest.  

(Rim shot)

In closing, in the words of Jackie Moon, “Everybody love everybody”. Especially me. Love me damn it.

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