Dating. Or at least trying to even get a date, is getting to me. I recently decided to try my hand at this whole on-line dating thing (real life dating hasn’t been working out) and signed up for one of the free sites. Face it, I’m not going to spend money on it, I’m too old fashioned for that.
Let’s just say that the whole thing is a terrible scam and wildly annoying. I just don’t get it and it’s just pissing me off. I don’t know what my expectations were for this on-line experience, I figured that now that the internet has been around for quite a while maybe they got this whole on-line dating thing (or computer dating) figured out. It’d be slick and cool and highly regulated and easy to find someone to spend time with and maybe make out with a little. But no!
I was duped. I was fooled by these claims of dating miracles. It’s all B.S. I was pretty specific on what I am looking for and this dating site hardly comes close to showing me the actual types I’m into. I mean, if your beard is coming in thicker than mine, please reconsider sending me a message. It took all my strength not to vomit all over my own lap. Plus, not even close to my specific descriptions of what I want.
In fact, I am apparently too picky for their search engines. I mean why even put certain things on the web site as a possibility if not a single one of the subscribers fits into that category. So there are no 5’, 7” blondes with a college education, owning their own car, living alone, with no cats, that enjoys quiet nights in or hanging out at the local pub and working in Chicago? Oh wait there are some, but not to be too harsh, they look like they were run over several times by an ice cream truck and then dropped from space only to get halfway charred by the upper atmosphere. And they all have cats. Is that too harsh?
I’m not a club guy. I’m not a meat market guy. I like meeting people normally, like, “Hi, my name is Michael. What’s yours? Candy? That’s awesome.” Or the even more old fashioned way of relentlessly wearing you down with platitudes of devotion that you eventually break down and settle for me.
Serious, I don’t even know how people actually meet anymore. And when they do meet, being honest with each other so no one feels like they’re just been led on. I don’t know, people. I’m so close to throwing in the towel and joining a cult; or at least starting a cult. Maybe I should devote myself to politics; there are a lot of senators and congressmen getting an awful lot of tail these days. And those guys are crazy.
Maybe you just have to be a little crazy to meet someone? I take that back, perhaps you have to be A LOT crazy. And maybe I’m just too average and normal. I’m not a muscle bound dipshit or a Harvard professor. I’m just a regular guy trying to pass on his genetic code as defined by evolution. So yeah, I might be a little impatient.
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