Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Electric Green Light

Why is there an eerie green light that emanates from under the first few steps of an escalator? It’s creepy and makes me think of the made for TV version of Stephen King’s, The Tommyknockers. Why a green light though? Is it because we’ve been trained to believe that green means GO and it’s safe to use this giant metal device that looks like it would eat you if it could?

The escalator at the Jackson Blue line train stop was recently repaired and the light shining from under is exceptionally bright. It makes me think the machinery is some sort of hell-spawn clockwork that is merely biding its time before the great mechanical-revolution the Mayan’s surely predicted. I think it’s waiting to snag your shoelace and pull you down through its great, grinding staircase teeth and mash you up into bloody, bone pulpy goo that it then uses to fuel its engines.

Can you imagine all the machines on Earth suddenly glowing with that same escalator underglow? The kitchen blender suddenly deciding it doesn’t like your protein shakes or margarita mixers anymore and now has a taste for a blended you. A murder-colada, if you will.

I once had a 1985 Dodge Reliant that had a similar green glowing dashboard and I sometimes wondered if it made the interior of that car look like it was designed for death.  As if the car had a will of its own and its sole purpose was to drag your stinking corpse down to hell, all to the sounds of John Denver on the radio.

I remember as a child, I was in a mall waiting for my mother or sister or something and I was standing near the escalator. I was pretty fascinated by the rolling, undulation of these giant metal stairs. The moving railing was something of a marvel and deserved investigation. So I kicked it. The railing and the whole escalator came to a complete halt. I was shocked. What had I done? Had I killed it? Broken it? No matter what it was I knew it meant trouble for me so I did what all children do. I ran.

Sometimes I do wonder if the Underground Escalator League of Evil is looking for me and that green light is sort of a bio-scan. Like, they know where I am at all times and they are plotting their revenge for the murder of their mall escalator brother. I think they are in cahoots with the Elevator Union of Chaos.

I know it’s completely silly to be fearful of a machine take-over of the planet. That’s just so dumb. It’s not like the machines could ever run our human lives. Wait, I’ve got an e-mail text message video sound file I’ve got to listen to while finishing this game of Words with Friends and reading up on the release date for The Avengers 2: The Avengening.

Did you hear something? Sounded like an escalator? What’s that glowing?


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