Uncluttered

There’s something to be said for a long holiday weekend spent mulling over the complexities of single life; most of that time spent in either a drunken aggravated stupor or laying on the couch trying to feel better about being in a drunken stupor so often. I have to say that thanks to some wise words I was able to get over some of the issues I’ve been having as of late involving the fairer sex.

I’ve been kind of a prick lately when it comes to my alleged moral justifications regarding the behavior of others and how it was making me feel. I was reminded that I should not judge other people so harshly. I was reminded that I cannot expect people to live a life by my rules. Everyone lives by their own moral code and what may seem immoral to me might not be for someone else. I can only hold myself to a certain standard and not others.

It was as if a great weight was lifted off my chest. While I might not agree with everything people may do or say with their lives it is not my place to judge them. It’s their life and I shouldn’t be so arrogant to think I know better. I do however, still have to watch out for my feelings and be upfront with things that do bother me. I can’t expect people to change based on my feelings but at least they’ll be aware and have the opportunity to make any changes they deem appropriate based on their own conscience.

I can’t make people change however and it’s wrong of me to want to do so. People are people and if I don’t like or agree with a person I can always choose to remove them from my life. That’s not to say I’ll abandon anyone who might have a contrary opinion to mine, I’m all for hearing a different opinion. But if there is a fundamental character flaw that I don’t like, I don’t have to subject myself to it. I have the ability to remove myself from that situation.

I have to refocus my energies on doing things that make me happy and not dwell on the things that make me sad or upset me. My mother is famous for saying that we have to choose to be happy and it can take a lot of effort. But in the end, it’s worth it.

I will have to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve so much and not get myself so deeply invested in my imagined, “could be’s” and “maybes”. I have to find a woman that is interested in the things I’m interested in and be willing to explore those possibilities with me. I have to hold off on imagining the wedding and our 2.5 kids playing in the yard.  That’s just setting myself up for depression and failure.

My mother suggested I try and find a lovely nurse who believes in me as writer and would be willing to support me as I stay at home and complete, "the great American novel". So any nurses out there willing to support a writer (fringe benefits include breakfasts, laundry completion, hugs, kisses and bed making) I'd be happy to meet you. 

I feel better than I have in a while. The dread of August has given way to the possibilities of September and I feel unfettered by broken hearted worry.