Friday, December 21, 2012


So here it is The Mayan Apocalypse; the horror, the horror of it all. Dear God there’s just terror and incredible awfulness everywhere. Some woman on the train today actually moved her bag so I could sit down. It was crazy town for certain. I’m sure she was simply filled with such abject fear that it seemed the only rational thing to do. I can’t believe that she did it out of her own good will or some sort of desire for peace on Earth.

Those crafty Mayans sure were right. This end of the world with a whimper is quite amazing and so incredibly accurate. First we get a big freeze and the next thing you know there will be snow blanketing the whole Earth. All we will be able to do is string lights together on the front of our homes in order to guide us through the blinding snow that will eventually come.

It will get so bad that some people will resort to roasting chestnuts over an open fire and the children will hear stories of the villainous Jack Frost who will nip at their noses in the dark cold night. People will be dressed up like Eskimos and we will need sleigh bells, for our one horse open sleighs.

Snow will be glistening, bells will be ringing, it will truly be anarchy. I am just so impressed with those Mayans. They really knew a thing or two about how it was all going to down. All from just watching the stars and the planets and discussions with their ruler K'inich Ahkal Mo' Nahb Claus.

I suppose one good thing about this Apocalypse is how close we’ll get to our families. We’ll need each other through these dark and daunting times. We’ll have to share a lot of things but in our recognition of their support we might be inclined to give them a gift or two. Perhaps an item we had to fight for with the other clans of families out scavenging for the scraps of our once great civilization. Maybe an iTunes gift card.

I can’t imagine how those Mayans could have predicted this winter wonderland of damnation. It’s an amazing compliment to their long vanished society. So accurate, right down to the spreading of cheer amongst men and women, you know, to keep their spirits up as we tremble down the path of inevitable destruction.

It is an organized Apocalypse though. I get to leave work early so I can tend to the needs of the people and get some last minute provisions. I certainly hope the throngs of the desperate aren’t too bad over the next coming days. I’m sure there will be some mild panic as doomsday settles in, by the fire, and eats cookies.

Those Mayans, making us all look like fools for doubting them.

Merry Christmas!

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