Friday Doughnuts

As much as I despair my job, there’s one bright spot in an otherwise lousy position. Free Doughnuts on Fridays. One of the many perks of being in the insurance industry I suppose. It is truly a delicious start to what will likely be a long and aggravating day.

Doughnuts are just cool. It’s that simple. They have the grand distinction of being so simple yet, otherworldly.  Doughnuts seem to make the morning that much more bearable. It’s is a little sad when the doughnut is gone however, like mine is, now. I miss you doughnut.

I digress; doughnuts have a long history in American and around the world. Almost every culture on the globe has a baked or fried sugary doughnut type of pastry. There’s some dispute as to the origin of the doughnut but they may go back as far as 1803, but again, it’s slightly controversial. Many people have taken some credit for the creation or invention of the doughnut through history but it’s hard to say with any real surety who did what when.  I’m just glad some person decided it was a treat to good to be forgotten.

It’s a funny thing when you miss your chance at a doughnut. I’ve arrived in the break room on occasion too late to get a hold of one of the sweet little guys. It’s a crippling punch in the stomach to miss the doughnuts. It’s like Christmas and your Birthday all wrapped into one day, but nobody got you any presents or even said, “Happy Birthmas”. There’s a child inside of you that pouts and tears start to slightly well up in their eyes. You also feel a little anger. “Who would just TAKE the last doughnut?! That S.O.B.”, and you pound your feet all the way back to your desk.

Now, halfway into this little article, I really miss my doughnut. It was an Old Fashioned with Chocolate frosting. I long for its doughy goodness. Perhaps I should just stop talking about my long gone doughnut and get focused on the tasks at hand today. Like getting more doughnuts. By digging a tunnel across the parking lot, under the viaduct and into the Dunkin Donuts across the way. Maybe. I think that would be an especially valuable use of my time today.

I wonder what I’ll have for lunch.

Another Thursday

Haven’t I seen you somewhere before? I’m quite sure I’ve seen you. I know you’ve been around. I know it. You’ve been hanging around the water cooler, chatting it up with all the fellas. I know you but I can’t quite place your name or face. I mean, I see you all the time, at least once a week for sure.

Who are you really and what’s your purpose here? Really, I don’t mean to be nosey or pry into your business but what are you doing here? I would appreciate an answer or some clue to your identity. Have you been coming around here long? Do you know me? Have you some greater purpose or goal?

Well, there’s no reason to be rude. If you don’t want to answer me then fine. I mean, it’s up to you I suppose. It’s your life and you can do what you like. It’s not up to me how you decide to behave in polite and proper society. I must say it's slightly inappropriate to remain silent in the matter.

Okay. I’ve had just about enough of you sir. Your silence is deafening and I can no longer tolerate it. I wish you would just go. Please leave your keys on the table and just go. One last thing, as you exit, please send that other fellow in, Friday I think is his name. Thanks.

Some people, sheesh.

On the bright side....

It occurred to me that Chicagoans appear to be optimists. I hear it every year once fall winds down and winter begins to push through with any rigor. “Oooh, I can’t believe how cold it is”, they say. Chicagoans are constantly surprised that it ever gets cold here. It’s as if they choose not to believe it as a possibility, even though it’s cold here eight months out of the year. We love our warm summer months and have a very difficult time accepting the reality of winter. We’d rather believe it won’t get that cold and we’ll be wearing shorts and sitting at the beach in no time.

I enjoy our collective optimism. It says a lot about who we are as Chicagoans. We believe in the impossibility of a short, warm winter even though history has shown us we’re likely in for a long and dreary snowbound hell. I like that about us. We really can’t believe winter has arrived or that snow has started to fall. But we’ll shovel our sidewalks and dream of warmer nights drinking al fresco.

We also seem to think that our sports teams, be they the Cubs, Sox, Blackhawks, Bears or the Bulls, will eventually win this year, or maybe the next or maybe the year after that. We refuse to give up our optimism about them and continue to root against the tides of history. Every so often we are rewarded for our faith and for a short time we can all revel in whatever championship the team won. Although Chicagoans don’t feel that the “Team” won, it was a collective city effort and we all reap the spoils. We were all part of the team. I think, in some ways, even in defeat we still hold our allegiances close to our hearts and continue to believe that next game or next season we’ll enter the hallowed halls of victory.

We also seem to think that things, in general, will get better. There are a lot of social and economic problems in Chicago; no one would ever deny that. But I do believe we try to take them on the chin and really think that eventually, everything will work out for the betterment of us all. Even if it takes 30 to 40 years to straighten it all out. (We’ll get that Olympics one day, I’m sure of it)

So here’s to us Chicagoans, we know winter will end, we know the Cubs will escape history, we know the city will survive without a Daley at the helm. We have faith in each other to see us through this cold, long winter and make plans for the summer block party of street fest.  Why look....the sun is shining.

Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day

There is nothing more terrifying than a return to the office after a five day break from work; the exception being getting the crap bombed out of you by Japanese Zeros. It certainly puts things in perspective though.

My job is often very trying and mentally exhausting, but it really is nothing compared to what those young men and women went through on December 7, 1941. A woefully unprepared American Navy was surprised by the Japanese and we really had our American asses handed to us. Mind you, we took a powerful and swift revenge in the end, but it was still something to behold.

I’m certainly not trying to liken myself to those men and women that died on Pearl Harbor.  My job, and frankly, my life are certainly nothing like theirs. For instance, I spent the majority of my time off from work half in the bag at my local bar. It was certainly an Irish vacation for sure. It wasn’t very meaningful and there were no grand photographic moments, but I did have some fun here and there. I’m very happy to have spent a lot of that time with the friends and people I’ve come to know.  But it wasn’t exactly the drama filled, action packed vacation we all think about having. Sadly there was no swinging from chandeliers or sunken treasures were discovered.

I found it difficult to get motivated to accomplish even the smallest of tasks, justifying it to myself by saying, “I’m on vacation”. But now, I’ll still have to do some of those things and in less time. Part of me thinks it was very foolish to waste that time and part of me says I shouldn’t be so hard on myself because in the end, I did have some fun. This is why I don’t normally take vacations; I can’t seem to resolve my absence from work and my overt laziness. If I had done something grand, then perhaps I wouldn’t feel like I just wasted that vacation time. But there’s no sense in dwelling on it. It’s come and gone and I’m here in the now of it.

So on this Remembrance Day, I’ll try to stay motivated to accomplish the minor tasks I have and try to stay upbeat about them. It’s certainly not like I’m struggling for my last breath in the belly of the U.S.S., Arizona. God Bless those men and women. I for one, will try to keep them in my thoughts while I deal with the moaning and groaning public; who couldn’t possibly fathom the pain those before them endured, yet persevered.

Jesus is his Co-pilot

On my drive into work this morning there was this little blue whatchamacallit vehicle swerving in and out of traffic. It was weaving and changing lanes without turn signals and then was tailgating the cars in front of it. It was basically trying to force its way through the heavy traffic.  Once it got around me was when I saw it.

Emblazoned on the back of this little speedster was a large white Christian Cross. I thought to myself, “How would Jesus drive?” or, “HWJD”.  Being raised a Catholic, I found it a little hard to comprehend the almost bullying nature of the fella trying to force his way through traffic.  But then I remembered the 1500 years of Christian bullying throughout world history and it all made sense.

I’m not saying I’m anti-Catholic or anti any religion for that matter. I think it’s important to have faith and believe in the possibility of something greater than ourselves out (waving hands in front of myself) there. But I don’t like it when people use religion to justify poor behavior or as a crutch. I think Religion is a tool and like all tools it must be used properly to get the best results.

As this guy was speeding and weaving through traffic I wondered if he knew he would be all right because God was on his side, guiding his hands as he narrowly missed smashing into a car in the right lane. I wondered if his faith was so strong that he actually turned the responsibility of driving over to Jesus and tempted the Devil. I wondered as he passed cars on the shoulder if he was saying the Hail Mary or was passing out blessings to the cars he passed. I wondered if when he got to his destination he dropped to his knees and gave a very public thanks to his Lord and Savior. I doubt it. When something good happens, we did it. When something bad happens we ask, “Where was God then?”

I love that old phrase that goes, God always answers your prayers, sometimes he says, “No”.

I spoke with a woman once who assured me that God would guide me to an answer that would, of course, benefit her financially. I tried to explain to the woman that God, as much as I dig Him, would not be making the decision regarding her claim, but I would.  She had a very hard time believing this was the case and she was sure God would direct me to give her money. In the end, I did not give her money. Not because she was sure God would deliver her a large cash settlement, but because the facts did not support her claims and religion was completely unrelated to the incident. She was only using her beliefs to shore up her own misguided greed. That made me feel pretty dirty for sure.

I appreciate those that have a healthy faith and don’t use religion as a crutch. I know the things religion teaches are guidelines to lead a good and respectable life. I know they help us understand morality and what’s good and evil in the world, but I wouldn’t turn over my car to the hands of God in the hopes he’ll get me to work on time. That’s just irresponsible and frankly, Jesus wouldn’t drive your shitbox of a car. That’s not his style.

Long Weekend, I miss you already

There’s nothing like a long weekend to help you feel relaxed and back on top. It’s such a wonderful thing to sleep late and hang out late and really just take care of your own business and not have to worry about anyone else or their problems; until that Monday after a long weekend.

I had a really nice long Thanksgiving and pre-birthday weekend. I was happy to spend my time with a lot of family and friends and really enjoyed myself. It wasn’t until 9:00 PM last night that I started to slowly realize the long weekend was coming to an end.

There’s nothing as demoralizing or soul crippling as that Monday morning after a long and lovely weekend. The amount of work that has been shoved on our faces for this Monday is astounding and I’m really in shock at people’s inability to sustain verticality in the world.

Can’t you people not fall down, and if you do, would you please take some responsibility for your own mistakes? It’s really just depressing to see this many new incidents from the long weekend. It’s just stunning how much there is. I’m just frozen with amazement and anger.

Anger because I just can’t understand why or how so many people in the contiguous United States can find the time to fall down in a store. Do people really just not look where they are going? Is everyone just staring up as they roam around the globe? I just don’t understand it so it makes me angry.

Listen up people, watch where you are going and if you trip and fall; it’s your own fault for not paying attention to your surroundings. Take some responsibility and toughen up.  You’re ruining my peaceful and calm state of mind.   

On the bright side however, I only have to work 2 days this week so I guess I might just have to suck it up and deal. At least I haven’t fallen down.  I do wonder if straight-jackets come in different colors now or if they are all just that clinical, sterile white?

More thoughts on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the most Norman Rockwell of American Holidays. It’s been engraved in our souls to see Grandpa and Grandma standing over a long dining room table that has been delicately decorated with various autumn themed wreaths and cornucopias. Grandma and Grandpa smile in their embrace as they look down the table and see their successive generations gorging themselves on turkey, potatoes, cranberries, squash, beans, yams, and the occasional piece of pie. There is a warmth that fills the heart and head when you think of this happy scene and you just can’t help but feel profoundly bored to death.

I kid, I kid. Thanksgiving is a great holiday because there’s no gift giving or buying involved, just a crap load of cooking. I’m a male member of my family so my cooking is limited to staying the hell out of the kitchen. I know I can only be a hindrance to the magic that is taking place in there. Although, the majority of my family is Irish so I’m not sure what kitchen magic I’m referring to. I suppose there’d have to be a Leprechaun in the kitchen, crapping out golden turkey’s for there to be actual magic in there.

I do enjoy Thanksgiving however. I do like sitting around the table for a little while listening and talking with family and friends. It’s a nice way to get back to the things that matter, like family. Most of us rush through our lives, trying to take care of every little detail, that we just don’t have the opportunity to sit across from each other and watch each other chew.

The thing that I don’t like too much about Thanksgiving however is the threat of that classic family argument. Ah, nothing truly says the Holidays like pent up frustration about something that happened 25 years ago rearing its ugly head after that fifth glass of red wine.  Is it really Thanksgiving without some family member bursting into tears and doing that awful cry-talking thing? I should say not.

We have a lot of things to be thankful for this year and we’d be decent Americans if we really remembered just how moderately good we have it. There are too many Americans out there that will be having a tough time being thankful for anything this year. It’s important that we try to remember them as we stuff our faces and figure out which football team to half-ass root for. (I’m considering the Lions)

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everybody!