The Next One

The drinks have been had,
the corks popped, the kisses
passed (some better than others),
the well wishes and kindnesses
forwarded.

Back pats, hands held, glasses
cheered, toasts made, some
people probably even had sex,
or just did their best not too
feel so alone.

The laughs had, the stories
told, the hearts broke,
the messes cleaned, the messes
made anew. The tears wiped,
hugs given and received.

Glitter swept, noise makers
tossed, decorations down,
stowed in boxes for another year or
hauled to the trash next to the dead
tree we kept inside our houses.

We've started it over, in all
earnest belief, that this year
will be better, maybe the best,
than we've ever had before.
Our optimism bubbling over.

There's no shame in hoping,
no reason to be afraid as the
thing starts, it'll go as it will,
as it wants, and we'll go with it
to judge the results and value its worth.

Compare it to others,
wash it off,
clear the corners,
straighten the frame,
just in time for next year and all over
again.  

Scream 2015, Scream

                2015 reminded me of those really cheesy exploitation films of the 1970’s. You know it’s a terrible movie, bad plot, poorly filmed, terrible editing, all the colors are slightly off, there’s a hair caught in the reel, but you watch it anyway and have a hard time pulling your eyes away.  It’s a movie you’ve seen a hundred times at four o’clock in the morning when you can’t sleep because you’re too worried about all that terrible real world shit that’s constantly happening all around. Yet there’s something awfully soothing about how bad it is.

                You think, “Well, some jerk made this movie, so I guess it can’t be all bad,” and you settle further into your sofa slouch. That’s exactly how 2015 has been for me. It was something I swear I’ve seen before and no matter how much it disgusted me or made me wish for some of that awesome Avid movie editing equipment, I couldn’t stop watching. It just kept happening and I was transfixed.

                Here’s the plot/imagined trailer of my terrible exploitation movie titled, “Scream 2015, Scream”.

                An unemployed insurance claims examiner who fancies himself a writer wakes up on New Year’s day 2015 to find himself still unemployed and wallowing in debt. He’s drunk. He’s unhappy. He’s searching for something to find joy in. He’s dealing with anxiety and depression issues, unresolved childhood traumas, and wondering why he can’t get a date. He’s getting older, hairs are graying, ear hair is growing and he can’t remember the last time he had to run anywhere.  And this time, nothing is going to change. (Cue record scratch) This year, Michael is going to discover, that being miserable most of the time, isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. (Cue cut scene of Michael smashing his car, slipping on an icy sidewalk, swearing at crying children, standing, sitting, eating, smoking, taking a shot, slipping on ice again, taking another shot, smoking, bonking his head against a beautiful woman’s head, taking another shot, and sleeping.) Michael hopes… (cue explosion) to make it out alive… (Cue laughing Vampire) of 2015. “Scream 2015, Scream”, coming to theaters.

                That’s just the first movie too. Wait until the sequel, “Scream 2015, Scream Harder”.   I do hope a sequel isn’t necessary though. I’m sure the original cast won’t be interested in reprising their roles. I’m sure they’ll have moved onto bigger and better projects, like cat wrangling or having babies. I do hope that 2016 is a better movie, slick budget, special effects, purpose, joy and a little love. In fact, if there is a sequel, I would hope it’s the classic story of redemption;  a real tear jerker about overcoming adversity, strife, bullies, financial ruin, and coming out on top.  

                I hope that movie is titled, “I Know What you did 2016, and I LOVE IT”.  With all that said however, I would like to wish all of my faithful readers a serious and hearty Happy New Year. I sincerely hope 2016 brings you all the things you’ve been wanting and wishing for (as long as your interests don’t collide with my interests, of course.)

                Have a very safe and Happy New Year!

The Battered Shell

A shell washed up on the shore
along the coast of a battered sea.


The shell's former inhabitant long
gone, moved on to the next, whatever
that may be.

Rough, grooved, cracked and worn
from the tossing and tumbling in the
angry oceans.


Bleached, blasted and beaten on its
uncharted journey through storms and
glassy calms.


The sands of the shore cradle the shell,
its destination found, if not reached.
Gentle and lulling the beach soothes.


A rising winter sun, dappling the shell,
highlighting its iridescent rainbow of
pearl.


The waves lap gently at the edges, licking
the travel wounds, rolling the shell
further inland.


To be found by a passer-by, to be put on
a shelf, to be presented to a lover as
a heartfelt token.


"This is for you," they'll say as it's
presented. A shy smile on eager lips.
"Thank you my sweet," followed with a
kiss.


Significance re-made, re-named, through
struggle, through strife, through all
adversity, to be made brilliant by those
that can see.


The story of a shell, on a beach, by a
battering sea. 

In Review of the Review

The end of the year

should illicit some creative

burst, some all encompassing

year-end diatribe about the

life we leave behind and the one

to embrace as it’s messily born

out of the aging womb of the past.

 

I’m not sure I want to do that though.

I don’t know what can come from a deeply

introspective review of the past year.

I know when I failed, I know when I succeeded.

Do I need to catalogue memories and wrap them in a

bow and name them all, “Nostalgia”.

I don’t think I want to.

 

Perhaps 2015 followed such a familiar pattern of

triumphs, let-downs, hurts and joys. So common

in fact that I can hardly remember if they even actually

occurred in 2015. Did that really happen in the last 12

months? Did it? Are you sure? Wasn’t that like, three years

ago? Hm, just in June you say? That’s insane.

Completely unworthy of noting.

 

Or was it an eye opening year full of new

realizations, mind altering therapy, long wrought

battles of the brain finally won, acceptance discovered,

personal understanding revealed? Were there less anvils

dropped on your head? Were hearts opened to new

ideas? Was it a year to go in the books and referred to

as The Golden Year of the Self?

 

It’s both and neither.

It’s the same and different.

It’s the same hurts by old lovers,

It’s the new smiles by old friends,

It’s the old heartaches,

It’s the new desires unfulfilled.

It was the same stuff a new life is filled with.

 

I’d like to think that 2016 will be “My Year”.

I’ll turn 40 years old.  

I’ll reach some mid-point in life,

Some milestone of living,

a grand entrance onto the next

stage where I can act the part of a

grown-up but be far more believable.

 

I never know what the next year will

bring. I never have much of any

expectations, other than keeping my

heart from breaking too often and the

wish that people are generally good to each

other the majority of the time.

I know, from experience, that it will not be easy.

 

No year ever is as easy as we wish,

No month, day or hour spent in this life

is ever easy. Yet through it all, the fog and mist

of the future, I still think there’s a glimpse of

hope, a light, a flicker of something good coming

and that makes the new year something to look

forward to. It makes the only real difference at all.  

Another Christmas Shaped Sort of Thing

Hey there Christmas,

What did you get me?

 

Hey there Christmas,

What did I get you?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Where’s all the mistletoe?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Where’s all the snow?

 

Hey there Christmas,

How’s Jesus?

 

Hey there Christmas,

How’s his dad?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Where did my girl go?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Is there forgiveness in Santa’s sack?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Will you play my song on the radio?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Will the lines be short or long?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Have I been naughty?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Was I ever really nice?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Will I ever get it right?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Will she be mine tonight?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Will she find our love?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Will I forget if she doesn’t?

 

Hey there Christmas,

I’m not pestering you, am I?

 

Hey there Christmas,

Have a good night.

The Screaming

Do you hear me.

my broken savior,

can you hear me

screaming

can you hear me

in all the broken

time, the lost times,

the sad times.

Can you hear me,

when I’m done,

when I’m hurt

and bleeding

Can you see that

the smile on my face

is really a scream

can you hear it,

the bellowing

heartache, the unrelenting

noise

can you hear it,

the awful hell of it,

the tolling of bells,

the unstoppable

noise of silence.

Can you, can you,

can you hear it?

It peals, and hurts.

Or maybe it’s just

noise and I should

stop.

Heartache is the loudest

noise I’ve ever heard.

In like thunder,

out like lightening.

The Clay

Life has crafted me,

a block of clay, sculpted,

molded, hardened, broken,

chipped, repaired, aged,

repaired again. Made whole

and unmade over time.

I was cut from a quarry of

centuries, plopped out into

a world I didn’t make and have

had no part in making. And yet,

I want to unmake so much of it.

I wish to remind the world.

Beliefs change, ideologies change,

principals change like phases of the

moon. Everything can change, does

change. A mountain isn’t a mountain

forever. Eventually it’s worn down by

weathering. Eroded into dust.

There is no perfection, there is no

truth in action, there are lies in deeds,

they’re just ideas, passing through a very

short period of time, ideas of people who

will also pass into nothingness and the void

of the universe.

Beliefs are pillars shoring up what we’ve

been told is the truth. Tear them down and

the nerve is exposed. Two or three centuries

go by and those fossilized pillars are meaningless symbols

of a backwards and bygone time. All the fighting,

struggling and manipulating is lost to new pillars of belief.

I’m made from old clay. Bloody, sweaty, trampled

clay, underfoot warrior’s whims and hopeful dreamers.

I still believe though. I still believe there’s worth to be

had in our temporary souls. I believe in humanity and

the most noble parts of our nature, even in the face

of others infernal disbelief.  

Perhaps we’re more boulder

and less Sisyphus.

Perhaps that example is all the more

reason to see that beliefs can change,

evolve, forgive and become something

common, rather than divisive.

Be unmade, be broken, be remade.

As many times as you can.

Made from the parts of many pieces

spread over time.

Change is the only truth, change is truly

the only constant.