“There’s
a Pumpkin Man standing on the front lawn, Jeffrey,” said Margie.
“What’s
that you say,” asked Jeffrey.
“A Pumpkin
Man, he’s just standing on the front
lawn. It looks like he’s waving, or maybe, dancing or something,” said Margie.
Jeffery
put his mug of hot apple cider down on the near by end table, tossed the cozy
fall blanket off his legs and rose from the warmth of the well-worn leather
couch. His shadow flickered against the wall of the study as he crossed in
front of the crackling fire in the fireplace. He stood next to Margie at the
window and separated the blinds.
On the
lawn, just as Margie had said, was a lumpy looking Pumpkin Man standing on the
lawn amid the recently fallen Autumn leaves. He seemed to be doing some sort of
primitive dance, raising each stubby arm up elbow high as if he were playing maracas,
but slowly and out of sync with any actual tune.
“Well,
that’s weird,” said Jeffrey, “I wonder if it’s some sort of Halloween thing.
Some kids or some goofy neighbor. You remember how weird the Gonzalez's were
don’t you honey.”
Margie
looked out the window again at the oddly shaped being, so orange in the face,
the green stem on the top somewhat yellowed rotten and old. It was clad in a
wrinkled and ill-fitting suit, just sort of dancing on the lawn to a song it
didn’t really know.
“I don’t
think it’s a Halloween thing. I think it... wants something,” said Margie.
“What
could it possibly want,” asked Jeffrey as he looked back out the window. He was
sad his apple cider was starting to cool rapidly on the end table. He was
starting to feel a little annoyed Margie had interrupted him. It was her idea
to light the fireplace and have a cozy night under the blanket.
“I
think it wants our vote,” said Margie.
“Our
vote? For like, best pumpkin at a State Fair or something,” asked Jeffrey.
Margie
leaned closer to the window to get another look. Jeffrey sighed and looked
longingly at the mug on the end table. He’d added some whiskey when Margie wasn’t
looking.
“Yes, I
see it now. His little leafy hand is holding a Vote for Me for President sign,”
said Margie, “It’s a small sign, but it’s holding it, holding it in the
weirdest way possible.”
“President?
President of what, the produce aisle,” asked Jeffrey as he looked out the
window again.
Margie
grabbed at her shoulders and shuddered. “I just got a terrible feeling”, she
said.
Jeffrey
snorted slightly through his nose but they both kept staring at the swaying
Pumpkin Man on the lawn.
The doorbell
rang and both Jeffrey and Margie jumped. The sudden chiming had startled them
both.
“I’ll
get it,” said Jeffrey. But Margie grabbed him by the crook of his right arm and
pulled.
“Let’s
both go to the door,” said Margie.
The doorbell
chimed again, and Jeffrey and Margie stiffened their backs. They headed toward
the front door. Jeffrey flicked on the porch light and peered through the
peephole. He could only see someone’s back, their body swaying back and forth
on the balls of their feet.
“Who is
it,” questioned Jeffrey through the closed door.
“Just a
minute of your time if you would sir. We’re just looking to talk to some
registered voters and get their opinions on some of the most important issues
facing our time,” said a grumbly yet strangely youthful voice from the shadows.
“Um, we’re
not accepting any callers at this hour,” said Jeffrey as Margie squeezed his
arm.
“Sir,
the fate of our way of life is in serious jeopardy, so we would sincerely like
to talk to you about what you can do to make this country great again and save
it from the evil within that is rotting it’s soul,” said the voice in the
shadows of the front porch.
“Um, no
thank you. We’re not interested. Thank you,” said Jeffrey.
“We’re
not going away sir,” said the voice, “You need to stand up for your county sir.”
“Are
you affiliated with that… thing on the front lawn,” asked Margie.
The
figure on the front porch paused for a beat. He shifted on his feet and cracked
his neck loudly.
“Ma’am,
that man is the holy savior, given divination by God to save this Country from
the rats and liberals that have destroyed the holy Christian fabric of our
nation. He is the only one that can save you if you elect him as President,”
said the man on the porch.
“Um,…
this nation was founded by Protestants,” said Margie.
There
was another long pause from the figure on the porch.
“Can I leave
some literature with you folks,” asked the figure on the porch.
Jeffrey
and Margie looked at each other, both shaking their heads.
“No. No
thank you,” they both said, “Please just be on your way,” added Jeffrey.
The
figure on the porch shuffled lamely, as if one of it’s legs had been seriously
injured at some point in the past. It shuffled and limped into the chilly Autumn
night.
Margie
shuddered again and Jeffrey rubbed her shoulders.
“That
was extremely weird,” said Jeffrey. He straightened his sweater from where
Margie had been holding him tight. He turned from the door and headed back to
his now cold apple cider and whisky.
Margie returned to the window and looked outside.
She
shrieked and stumbled backwards as the Pumpkin Man was now pressed against the
glass. It was moaning and mumbling incoherently about tariffs and dealing with
the deals that only he can deal with the dealers who do the dealings, tariffs
and that he loved women, and enemies, and then it stopped and just stood there,
sleeping it seemed, but still dancing.
Jeffrey
helped Margie up and hugged her tight. He reached out toward the window and quickly
whisked the curtains closed. The Pumpkin Man, still mumbling against the glass,
slobbering and mixing metaphors with unintelligible ramblings. Until it just
stopped, seemingly forgetting what it was doing, until there was no sound at
all.
“Just a
few more weeks darling,” said Jeffrey as he soothed the terrified Margie, “Just
a few more weeks and he’ll be gone. Back to the dead zone from which he was
spawned.”
The
fire crackled in the fireplace, the flames casting eerie shadows on the walls.