I was looking forward to going out for a little while last night. It had been a long day at work and I felt I could use a frosty libation to soothe the savage work day. I got home and had a little something light for dinner and then decided I should check my e-mail/Facebook and the other million of things there is to do on-line.
I checked one of the many dating web sites I am on because no live woman will give me the time of day. I wanted to see if "PreTTyGirl83", (generic screen name) had responded to my hilarious message about the realities of on-line dating and how demoralizing it is and that I do indeed like her dress in her profile picture when an error message of a sort popped up on the screen.
My computer was warning me that an unknown and unauthorized blabbity-blah was trying to gain access to my system. And that I should click “No”, in order to deny it access. The message looked “Windows” legitimate, very much like other error messages I had seen before, so I clicked “No, I do not allow this program access”. Then the roof fell in.
My computer froze for a second, the dating web site vanished to be replaced with an alleged Anti-Virus scan that was running a check on my system and telling me I had been infected with 38 different viruses and action was needed immediately. The scan was free but to activate the defenses they would need $89.00. I was trying to cancel and cancel and Esc and everything I could think of but nothing was working.
A mild, “Ohcrapohcrapohcrap”, sort of panic started to seep in and the mind went into immediate regret mode telling me how many times it reminded me to update my anti-virus software and how many times I ignored it. So I did what any tech savvy young person would do at this moment of computer obliteration. I turned it off.
I restarted in the hopes that it would reboot in a safe mode and tell me that it had just recovered from a serious threat but all systems were go. That was not the case. It wouldn’t even let some of the program files load. Just that damn “Virus protection” virus kept jamming everything up, allegedly scanning and reporting on the 38 viruses now stealing all my passwords and credit card information.
Luckily I was able to get on-line and update my regular anti-virus software (at no small cost) and get a patch from Microsoft to destroy the virus. Unfortunately this whole process took six hours and I was unable to go out or even (at that point) get to bed at a reasonable hour. I managed to get to bed a little after 1:00 a.m. with one of the Microsoft scans still running a full diagnostic through my whole system. I couldn’t stay up any longer and went to bed.
This morning the scan was completed and all the terrors of the previous night had seemingly been eradicated. It was a relief to say the least, but now I’m still nervous and feel my computer is more like a delicate flower than I would have imagined. It needed too much attention and worship and I felt like I was at the altar of the new God. I felt as if the machines were starting to take control and I was no longer the master of my own life. I really did want to go out for a little while and enjoy my real life, but the internet and computer had other plans for me. If anything, I’ve learned a new lesson. Destroy the machines before they get smart enough to destroy us. And, as an afterthought, on-line dating is dangerous.
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