Permeate

“It’s peculiar how a very simple act by a woman can get absorbed into the fabric of a person’s whole day. The act, which then becomes thought, bangs around in the brain and the imagination makes you re-live the moment over and over again. Each time you cringe a little more and blush a little harder”, said Joey.

Ryan looked up from his newspaper.

“What the hell are you babbling about”, asked Ryan.

“I’m just saying the things I've done, maybe, the things I’m ashamed of seem to linger in my brain and I can’t seem to get past them”, said Joey.

Ryan nodded and folded his paper and tossed it onto the dashboard of the municipal works van.

“You’re going to make me talk about this hm? You can’t just let me sit here and read my paper”, asked Ryan.

Joey nodded slowly and took a quick sip from his coffee cup. Ryan sat back and squinted at Joey.

“Okay, here’s what it is. You’re a human being and like all human beings you have an imagination. Now mind you, some people are more imaginative than others but you have it all the same. But what you’re referring to, with this constant thoughts dwelling on your past, maybe re-imagining your life, is nothing more than a human condition. We call it regret and you’re not the first person to feel bad about things in your life. Life in general is hard. If life were easy, everybody would be doing it. Sure, everybody’s alive but few are really living. Regret, embarrassing memories, that’s just what life is all about. Makes us who we are”, said Ryan.

Joey looked out the window and sighed.

“So it’s all about a girl isn’t it”, asked Ryan.

“Of course it’s about a girl”, said Joey.

Ryan sighed as well and looked out the window.

“Do you love her”, asked Ryan.

“I think so. But, she’s… out there”, said Joey.

“She makes you feel differently about the things you were pretty certain on before”, asked Ryan.

“Yeah, I get so embarrassed about my past, my thoughts, my imagination around her”, said Joey.

“She’s different than your usual type of gal”, asked Ryan.

“She’s… adventurous. I’m not even sure she likes me. She’s hot, she’s cold. I can’t figure it all out. She makes me mad.”, shrugged Joey.

“I see”, said Ryan, “So you’re replaying all the moments from your past, looking for where you screwed it all up. Why it makes you so mad”, asked Ryan.

“I suppose”, said Joey, “She really rattles my cage, you know”.

A car outside screeched to a stop at a red light and a horn blared.

“Let’s get to work”, said Ryan.