Annoyingly Necessary

The most extremely complicated

simplest thing ever cooked up in

the human mind must be love.

It’s entirely irrational and annoyingly

necessary.

I have been looking for that sort of

relationship love for what seems like

an inordinate amount of time now and

it is really starting to get to me in ways

I didn’t know it could.

I get jealous of couples, even unhappy

couples, who seem to have found each

other through the barriers and obstacles

life gleefully dumps into our paths, it’s

maddening to be on the outside of that.

I have been writing about romantic love,

partnership love, love-love and all other

kinds of love for an excruciating long

time and it amazes me that I still haven’t

met someone who inspires my heart.

I’ve been told my expectations are too high,

that I’m a romantic and real life is just about

getting along, settling and just doing what you

got to do to live. Happiness is an illusion sold

by Hollywood and life really is boredom mixed with pain.   

Life is indeed boring without getting

outside oneself and into the mind of another

person, someone who so completely cares about

you, almost as much as they do about themselves,

and you, reflect that admiration unequivocally.

Who does that? Is that really a thing?

Am I fooling myself with my fantasies of love,

of children, of a life broader than where it’s been,

is that sort of uncompromising and genuine love

real? Is it just a myth?

Maybe I just don’t know what it is

that I’m supposed to be trying to find.

Perhaps I’m putting too much

pressure on myself to find that

right sort of person who compliments me

as much as I compliment them,

perhaps I’ll just keep writing this

long sentence until she does come

along and taps me on the shoulder,

asks me if I’m okay and looks at me

with gentle open eyes and I stammer,

probably say something completely stupid

and out of context and maybe she’ll

laugh and the next thing you know she’ll

be reading this poem and kindly laughing at

me for being so foolish, she’ll lean over and kiss

my cheek and go back to being someone

amazing.

Yeah, it is complicated and amazing

and I want it. In the most annoying way.