Elite American Military apologizes for dangerous Midwest weather

Elite American Military apologizes for dangerous Midwest weather.

Chicago, IL. – G.I. Joe, America’s Premiere Anti-Terrorist Special Forces, engaged in a prolonged fire fight against the eccentric terrorist organization, COBRA.   COBRA scientists had recently completed a Weather Dominator Machine and were set to bring it on-line until G.I. Joe interceded.

As a result of this intense battle, severe weather rushed across the U.S. Midwest last night and into the early morning. High winds and pelting rain caused inconveniences for commuters and vacationers.

A spokesman for the elite fighting force, G.I. Joe, codename: Dialtone, was quoted, “COBRA’s obsession with world domination was once again thwarted thanks to the brave actions of my fellow Joe’s. Yo Joe!”.  When pressed for details regarding the battle, which apparently occurred somewhere in the Arctic Circle, Mr. Dialtone was reluctant to provide any more information. Initial reports amazingly show there were zero casualties for both combatants. However property damages are estimated in the millions.

Destro, the COBRA arms dealer was quoted as well, “It was a good plan. The weather dominator would have brought amazing technological and financial success for COBRA and our magnificent leader Cobra Commander. It’s too bad those Joe’s had to ruin it all with their Christian values and morality. Oh, and lasers”.

When asked about G.I. Joe’s recent comments regarding, ‘Don’t ask, Don’t tell’, in the American Military, Cobra Commander had this to say, “Sssssomthing issss ssseverely ssssad witttth thosssse Soldierssss. In the COBRA Organizzzation, all our troopssss are encouraged to follow their passssionsss, be it genetic engineering or night-time maneuverssss”.

G.I. Joe has assured the American public that the Weather Dominator has been dismantled and its components will be hidden around the world for safety. Unless that country is gay.