Mystery Cut

Saturday night, while at my Cousin’s delightful Christmas party, I mysteriously cut my right index finger. I didn’t even notice until I had reached into my pocket to put out my pack of cigarettes. It’s a very small cut right across the very tip of the finger and it hurt like the Dickens.  I’ve always found that so mysterious. How a small cut, a paper cut, could hurt so bloody much. I’ve had instances where I’ve scratched the entire length of my arm and days have gone by before I go, “Wait a tick, how did I do that?”

I know that the tip of the finger is a pretty sensitive area so that’s likely why it hurt so badly. I’m not an idiot. But it did get me thinking about some of my other “ailments”, like smoking. I wondered if it was a coincidence that I just happened to notice my finger was cut while reaching for my cigarettes. Which got me thinking about my smoking. I’ve been a pretty consistent smoker since 1991. That’s almost 20 years of smoking and I think that might be enough. One little cut hurt so much, imagine what 20 years of smoking looks like, or feels like for that matter.

So I’ve decided to quit smoking in 2011. I quit for three weeks several years ago but started up again pretty quickly. Hopefully this time it’ll stick. It’s not only the health benefits that I’m looking forward to it’s the smell. I can no longer stand the smell in my apartment. It just smells so stale in there and I can’t imagine that being very attractive to anyone, other than other smokers. 

Plus, it’s cold as hell out and I’m really tired of having to go outside to smoke and freezing my fingers off for a short lived nicotine buzz, which hardly lasts more than a few seconds anyway.  I quit smoking at work several years ago and I’ve managed to stick to that, so the next step is at home. Home will be tough because I mostly smoke due to boredom. I’m hoping that quitting smoking will help motivate me to get off my lazy butt and start doing more.

Smoking has always slowed me down and sucked away at any motivation I’ve had. It’s made me late for things and likely has prevented me from getting that high powered executive job. But it’s something that will be very difficult to give up, it’s been the longest love affair in my life (and of course it’s been trying to kill me).   

So come the new year I will stop smoking. I’m not going to say “quit”, because that is defeatist. I will say stop smoking and hopefully I’ll accomplish this goal. I’m also hoping for a new job and new car and a house, but I guess starting small is better.  Unless I will the lottery tonight, then the cigarettes are on me. (All this from a little cut on my finger. Amazing)