Ow bmy Tongueb.

I bite my tongue an awful lot. Not in the literal sense of course (although I’ve been doing that a lot too) but in the sense that I rarely say everything on my mind. I wonder what it would be like to actually blurt out the things that are on my mind. I mean, when I see a very pretty woman, I think, “Wow, what a very pretty woman”, but I don’t say that. I say, “….…….”.  Which is usually not enough to start a rousing conversation.

I have a very severe sense of propriety. I can’t stand rudeness or outright stupidity. But my sense of propriety prevents me from actually saying anything about said rudeness or stupidity.  It’s a vicious circle I suppose. But I wonder what would happen if I did escape this wall of pretentions and just said, “Shut your ignorant hole you rude S.O.B.”? Would I be shunned, beat up or cursed out? Is that the price of speaking one’s mind?

What if I’m wrong too? (I know that rarely happens.) What if I do open my trap and I spew out the first things that come to mind and turn into that rude and stupid cretin I so despise? That would drive me crazy. So many societal rules to follow, ugh!

There are all kinds out there, the ones that are gregarious and quick to light up a room with a charming anecdote and those that drag rain clouds in and rain hate on everything and everybody. It all depends on how much control they have over what comes pouring out of their mouths.  I hope I fall somewhere in the middle. Maybe Upper middle class.

I try to be honest with people though, although sometimes people just want a reflection of their position, some support or encouragement. I ‘m happy to provide that. I feel good doing that. But I wonder, how would they react if I told them, as I am listening, I’m really thinking about how great their legs and butt look in those jeggings and not about their position regarding North Korea?  (Sorry, I just had to use the word Jeggings.) Would I get slapped? I think I would. Especially if I said that to a guy, well, the wrong guy; and maybe not slapped.

I don’t think I tell people I love them enough, or tell them that I think they are fantastic.  I don’t pat people on the back enough or conversely, tell them when they’re pissing me off. I capitulate and cave or stonewall and mule it up.  It’s something I guess I’ll have to work on. In fact, I think it’s something we should all try to work on. Maybe for the New Year I’ll resolve to tell those I love that I do and tell the one’s I don’t to go jump in the lake. (but I’ll at least throw them a life preserver).

I suppose there’s a balance that one should maintain. There are times when speaking out and saying what is in the forefront of the mind is totally appropriate and times when it’s far more prudent to shut your yap.  I guess knowing when those times are defines who we are and our personalities.