Unrequited

That is probably one of the most painful words in the English language. Unrequited means your feelings, no matter what they are, are not reciprocated in the way they were expressed. It is most commonly associated with love and can be immensely cruel. I know I have been its victim and I know I’ve felt its glare.  It makes me a little sad on both accounts.

I’ve had deep, desperate unrequited feelings for a woman before and she spurned my advances and compliments at every turn. She wasn’t necessarily doing this to be mean, she just didn’t feel the same way about me. I didn’t stalk her or anything; that is when unrequited turns to crazy and I’m not that guy. I’m not going to carve her name in my chest with a sharpened cafeteria spoon and scream poetry into the night while standing on her roof. (The cops warned me about that).

I’ve also spurned the advances of women who were interested in me. They may have felt something deep and powerful for me which I completely ignored. It is not done to be mean, our passions just didn’t line up as we would have liked them to and you can’t very well force it.  It just seems so mean, but we know when that person, whose desire spilleth over, just isn’t the, “one”.

We can logically rationalize it all we like and it certainly makes sense, but it still hurts. There’s nothing like that feeling you get when you imagine the total bliss you and the object of your affections experience as they finally accept you as their one and only. Your imagination makes you believe that the only way to be happy, truly happy, in this life is if this person is with you.  When that happy image is crushed by reality it certainly stings. It’s almost a chemical response in the brain. Endorphin production slows and a peculiar morbidity creeps into the mind.

It feels like the break-up of a long term relationship, but it wasn’t. In fact, it most likely never even happened. And yet, there are lingering feelings, a soft spot when you see that person and nervousness broils in your stomach. A small spark of hope burns that maybe all their protests have been forgotten and they will realize that you were right all along and there’s nothing on this Earth or in Heaven that should keep the two of you apart. But we know that most likely won’t happen and it gets us back to the cruelty of the word unrequited.

I sympathize and empathize with those struggling on both sides of the unrequited see-saw. I sympathize with those that are the object of someone’s heart but don’t want to be and I empathize with those whose heart is out there to get trampled on.

The relationship world isn’t perfect. Mismatches happen every day. Someone always gets hurt, someone else always moves on. It’s not the best system but it is what we have and we’ll just have to make due and hope at some point we never have to worry about our love going unrequited again. (God I hope she likes this).