It is a fairly complex mystery
of which even Hercule Poirot would probably have a difficult, if not
impossible, time trying to solve. It has baffled me for years and has boggled
the minds of so many others. Why am I still single?
This mystery’s depth was only
highlighted this morning by a lovely couple up on the train tracks. I was doing
my usual bit by waiting in my usual place for my usual train when I saw this
couple. A couple clearly very comfortable with themselves and each other and
didn’t seem to mind that everyone else on the train platform could see them as
well. And we could see everything. All
their dirty laundry was on display. Literally.
This lovely couple is homeless
and they have been living through the nights behind one of the train shelters
on the platform. They have their clothes laid out to dry in the sun. They have a whole area blocked out for their
shelter and seem to be getting along quite well despite the occasional train
roaring by at all hours. I have seen
them there for the past week or so and they look pretty well moved in. I wonder if I should get them a no-house
warming present.
But I digress; their homeless
plight isn’t really the point of this piece today. It’s really about this young
couple. I shouldn’t say young couple, but then this man and woman are of rather
indeterminate age due to their hard scrabble life. They could be anywhere from
30 to 55 years old. But again, that’s not the point. The point is, they have
each other and they seem quite well matched as homeless couples go. They are
both even blondes. But again, they are clearly together and seem to be there
for each other in the most normal and human way possible. It would be quite lovely if they weren’t in
their dire situation. (Although I’m not exactly sure how dire it is.)
When I boarded the train the
blonde homeless couple was just starting their day. She had woken him and he
put on his pants and shoes. They were starting to gather some of their things
together. He even carried her bag for her. Homeless chivalry is alive and well
apparently. As the train pulled away
from the platform the homeless Ward and June Cleaver started walking down the
train tracks to destinations unknown.
I couldn’t really understand it.
Why does this homeless guy, homeless gal, have someone special in their life
and I don’t? What does this homeless guy have that I don’t? It’s not a contest
I know, but still, I have a rented roof over my head, some food, an income, I
can be compassionate and caring, loving and doting, a bastard at times like
everyone, but overall I’m not too terrible. I’m not too hard on the eyes
either. I’m not some Adonis but I’m not Jabba the Hut, I’m just normal; with
the occasional bouts of crippling depression and anxiety, but otherwise,
completely normal. One might say I am a “catch”. And yet I wander from party to
party, event to event, holiday to holiday without a plus one.
When I arrived downtown I got
off the train and started walking to work. Near one of the underpasses by the
train station is a young homeless couple pan handling for your change. They
both seem quite able bodied and I’ve seen them both at times reading different
books as they beg for a little something to help them get by. They are together
and I often see them engaged in conversations about this, that or the other
thing. They appear to have been together for a long time and are also quite
comfortable with each other.
As I pass I am hit by their
unbelievable stench and their curious togetherness. It’s just a damn mystery
that these two people have each other in this hard luck world and I don’t have
the same kind of love in my life. In some ways, it makes me feeler poorer than
these homeless couples do.
That’s not to discount the love
I have received in my life. I’ve been extraordinarily lucky to have had the
opportunity to love and be loved by the finest of people. I’ve had people want to take care of me and
want to be around me. Unfortunately I may not have felt the same way about
them, thus rejecting them, like I have been rejected so many times by those
that I am crushing on. It’s the circle of life, which brings me back to the
present mystery.
How is it that no less than two
homeless couples have found in each other what I have been sorely lacking? They
have love in their lives, at present, and I go home to a refrigerator filled
with hot dogs and half full jars of salsa. I water my plant. I ignore the pile
of dishes in the sink. I let stuff pile up on the dining room table. All
because I don’t feel like there’s any reason to keep up with the house work or
groceries because I never expect any company. I may have a roof, a job, a
wonderful family support system, and a comfortable place to sleep at night but
I don’t have that particular woman to answer my mystery.
The mystery of why I am still
single. I mean, it probably takes some guts to admit to a woman that you’re
homeless and you’d like her to join you in your on the streets adventure. And
it must be one heck of a woman to take that man’s hand and say, “Crack,” and go
off together to live in ten minute bliss and then spend nearly every waking
hour together. And yet I don’t have the
right woman to let me sit quietly and ignore her while she reads a magazine
about celebrities.
Am I poor tempered? Do I stink
of rot? Am I just a walking corpse? Do I intimidate? Am I scary? Do I have too
much baggage? Do I expect too much? Or not enough? Do I not make enough money?
Is my zip code wrong? Am I that much of a bastard? Am I too particular? Too picky?
A Snob? Snarky? Creepy? Dopey? Sneezy? Bashful? Doc?
I think I should start a
homeless dating web site, HomelessHearts.com. I bet you I still couldn’t even
get a date with the right woman. It’s
just a damn mystery, without any detectives working on it but me. This might
take a while. I hope these homeless couples find what they are looking for and
manage to hold on to these relationships well into prosperity. I’ll probably
need their financial support at some point while I stew in my own juices at the
retirement home and try to remember where my damn teeth are and for some reason
the answer will be “California”.
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