Dear Mr. Christmas

Dear Mr. Christmas,

I hope all is well with you and

your kind and

things are swell and

not heavy on your mind.

Things over here aren’t so great,

I don’t want to be a nag

or berate.

But we’re in a pickle and everything

is a drag.

I write to you once more,

to remind you of what you said before,

when the kids were sad and you were

late, those words you spoke to make

us elate.

You said, “Quit your bitching and

shut up! I’m doing my best here so lay

off. I’m just one guy, doing what I can.

I’m not sure why I give a damn.”

Is what you said.

Mr. Christmas, you’re the best.

Saying what we can’t.

Puffing up your chest.

Fighting like a fire ant.

Mr. Christmas, you’re so cool.

What would Jesus do?

Walking on water when it freezes?

Mr. Christmas does it too,

he calls it ice skating and

does it when he pleases.

But Mr. Christmas, all that you know,

I’m just here to remind you of the season,

and to ask of you, before you show,

to look beyond our heart’s treason,

and help us if you can.

Here’s a list we made,

we hope it helps you out,

because off the path we strayed,

and with all your clout,

we hope you can make our dream true:

To make the Holiday bright,

treat each other right,

put our dicks away,

fight for equal pay,

Stop our warring ways,

end persecuting gays,

save the poor,

show the fats cats the door,

from pollution you can save,

keep us from the grave.

Mr. Christmas, can’t you see,

how much we need your seasoned

company.

Mr. Christmas don’t delay,

you’ve only got a couple days.