Within the next three months I will be attending three weddings. Two will be for family and one I am going as a guest. The problem is; I need a wedding date for the two family ones. In the first wedding I’m actually in the wedding party so I’d need someone to go with me that isn’t afraid to be surrounded by my family for several hours while I tackle the incredible and demanding duties of usher.
They must also be able to handle their alcohol, or if not, be able to tolerate the copious amounts my family can consume without being bored at their ridiculous antics. My wedding date should also be prepared for my numerous affectionate glances, casual touches and inoffensive sexual suggestions. Actually, I’d like to go to two of these weddings with the same person, not because they’re doing me a favor, but because they’d like to be there with me; someone who actually enjoys my polite and hilarious company.
I’ve been on a dating hunt lately and it’s been one hell of a relationship dry spell. I love my close friends who have put up with my antics but we’re pretty sure we’ll never have that “kind” of relationship. We have wonderful friendships that would likely not work out well as, “boyfriend/girlfriend”, no matter how hard we tried.
I think weddings are nice events for couples. It seems so rare these days that couples have the opportunity to put on their best outfits and suits and class it up together. I like being classy with a lassie. Plus I think my family weddings are great fun and anyone that goes with me is sure to have an excellent time. Even on the overnight wedding events.
The last three weddings I’ve gone to in the last couple years, I’ve either gone alone or with one of my best friends. There’s nothing as sad as going to a wedding without a plus one. You end up standing by the bar or sitting at the table watching couple after couple dance or get close to each other and your heart starts to sink and you think there’s no chance in heaven or hell you’ll ever find someone to dance with again. You’ll never see a smiling face longing for you to take their hand and give them a twirl on the dance floor. It’s as if the spirit of loneliness is holding your head under water in a glass sink. (You know, so you can see everyone having couple related fun while you slowly drown, in booze)
But that brings me back to the original dilemma, what woman would like to go with me? Clearly I’ve over-thought this and it’s kept me up late at night. Really, I’m making far too big of a deal out of it. I mean, it’s just a simple wedding event, who cares if you go stag, no one judges those people that go to family weddings all alone. All the time.
So I’m going to ask my favorite girls if they’d be interested in going with me to these weddings. There’s one or two that I would really leap into the air with joy if they were to say yes. And they would say yes not because they were doing it out of pity but because they were genuinely interested in having a kick ass time with me. No one likes a pity wedding date, that’s just mean. That’s like, “I like you enough not to throw up on your shoes but don’t push it”. So wish me luck and if I do ask you, please know that it’s something I’ve thought a lot about and it’s just not random desperation. (Don’t be afraid to volunteer either). So here goes….
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