A Complex Plan

The lights flickered in the warehouse. A heavy rainstorm dumped buckets on the city. Lightening flashed and thunder rattled the thin windows over the table where Johnny Snakes and his gang of criminals now planned their next caper.

“Okay, here’s how this is gonna go down”, said Johnny Snakes.

“You got it boss”, said Smacksy.

Johnny Snakes scanned the faces of his criminal crew; there was Smacksy of course, his loyal and long time crime partner. He was as bright as a post but would do anything for Johnny. Then there was Fingernail Frankie, a real tough guy and sort of a psycho but was really great with taking care of his mother, Mustache Ripper Mike, who never swore but would tear a guys face off for breathing wrong, Eviscerating Eddy got his name after medical school turned out to be harder than he thought, Charlie Chomps and his gold teeth, Stevie B. Goode who once killed a guy with a guitar, and Terry No Nickname.

The gang moved in closer around the blueprint rolled out on the table in front of Johnny Snakes. He pointed to the front entrance of the bank.

“This is where we are going in”, said Johnny.

“The front doors? Are you nuts”, asked Fingernail Frankie.

Johnny looked at him with his deadly viper eyes and Frankie quieted down.

“Yes, the front doors”, continued Johnny. “There’s no guard at the front entrance so we’ll practically be able to wander in without fuss. After we get in, Frankie, you get in line at the far left hand teller while Mike and Eddie get in the other two lines. I’ll make my way toward the bank manager’s office and post myself there. At exactly One O’clock the manager will come back from his lunch and that’s when I’ll grab him and move him into his office. By that time Frankie, Eddie and Mike should be at the teller windows. All three of you will pass a note to the tellers telling them that the bank manager is in life threatening danger… no, mortal danger, and if they don’t empty the drawers and put the money in a bag in the next 5 seconds, we’ll kill him”.

“So good so far”, said Charlie, “What are me, Stevie, Terry and Smacksy doing?”

The lights flickered above this crew casting ominous shadows across their malicious faces.

“That’s the beauty part. Once we’ve got the back manager and the tellers in our control, I’m going to open this laptop and it’ll be set up with a web cam so the manager can see that Charlie, Stevie, Terry and Smacksy are holding his family hostage”, said Johnny.

Smacksy smiled his big dumb smile, “That’s brilliant boss”.

“Of course it is”, said Johnny.

“So you know where his family will be”, asked Eddie.

“Hell no. How am I supposed to know that”, said Johnny. “What Smacksy and the others will do is grab some poor broad off the street, through a hood over her head and pretend that it’s the bank manager’s wife on camera. See, so there’s no actual kidnapping.”

“Unless you count the broad off the street. She’s getting kidnapped right”, said Mike.

“Well, yeah, but she’s just a pawn. We can dump her right back out once we get the manager to open the vault”, said Johnny.

The criminal group nodded in unison, except for Smacksy, who was still trying to understand.

“So, after the manager sees his poor wife all bound up he’ll have no choice to give us everything we want. The tellers will have no choice because they don’t want the manager to get hurt, so it’s a perfect circle”, said Johnny.

“How are we getting out”, asked Eddie.

Johnny cleared his throat, which sounded more like a growl than an actual tickle in his throat.

“I was getting to that. After we get the vault money and the teller drawer money Terry will strap an explosive to the manager’s fake wife and tell him that if he calls the cops or hits any kind of alarm, we’ll blow his wife up and then we walk out the way we came in”, said Johnny.

“Do you know for sure the manager is married”, asked Terry No Nickname.

“What”, asked Johnny.

“I mean, do you know for a fact that the manager is a married guy? Or even if he loves his wife? What if his wife is a total bitch and he hates her and he would be like, ‘hey go ahead and blow my wife up, she’s a bitch’”, asked Terry.

Johnny took his gun out of his shoulder holster and put in on the table in front of Terry No Nickname. The rest of the violent crew scooted back like characters in a saloon scene from an old Western movie.

“Are you really questioning me”, asked Johnny.

“I mean, I gotta ask man. I can’t get pinched again. It’s my third strike. It’s life for me if I get pinched”, said Terry.

“Don’t you think I would have researched this a little bit”, said Johnny.

“Well, of course boss, but I mean…”, said Terry.

“You mean what”, yelled Johnny.

“… I mean, after that thing with the toaster ovens last month in Paris, I’m a little shaky on your planning”, said Terry.

Johnny picked his gun up off the table and pointed it at Terry. Terry stumbled back with his hands up.

“How dare you bring that up”, said Johnny.

“I’m just saying boss. I…I… just think we need to be careful”, stammered Terry.

Johnny cocked the hammer on his gun and Terry started to sweat.

“C’mon boss, don’t do this. It’s a great plan. A great plan”, said Smacksy.

Johnny looked at Smacksy’s big dumb face.

“You’re right. It is a great plan. But I’m afraid Terry is right. We need to do a little more recon before jumping into this. We wouldn’t want a repeat of Paris. Right Terry”, said Johnny as he un-cocked his gun and smiled at Terry.

Terry sighed and started to put his hands down. The crew started back toward the table. Eddie lit a cigarette. Mike checked his watch. Thunder rattled over the warehouse. Smacksy pulled a chair closer in and sat down. Johnny shouldered his weapon and leaned in over the blueprints.