“The first
woozel to get the Purple Beguzzle will be crowned champion of all the enchanted
Woozel of the fair and black woods of Eldar,” said the wizened High
Grasshopper, Menenga.
The Woozels
gathered at the foot of Ant Hide hill at the feet of the wise and powerful High
Grasshopper Menenga. They each hoped that this would be their year to obtain
the adoration of the other Woozel’s by completing the trials and hold the Purple
Beguzzle close to their chests.
“I’m going
to do it this year,” said Hickfar
“You say
that every year,” replied Cagnee
“This time,
for sure. I’ve been really working out. Feel my muscles,” said Hickfar.
“Dude,
don’t be weird. I’m not touching your muscles,” said Cagnee.
“Don’t be
afraid. They won’t crush you, too hard,” smiled Hickfar.
A Plesnucket
sounded, announcing the arrival of Lord High Valmordica, King of the Woozel’s
and bearer of the sacred crest of Eldar. All the Woozels stood at attention as
his chariot of octane horsemobilius pulled him toward the thrown above Ant Hide
Hill. It would be the Lord High’s duty to start the hunt for the Purple Beguzzle
by banging the ceremonial headless corpse of the most recently executed
prisoner against the water bell of Algar. Algar of course being the former and
now defeated enemy of the Woozels.
“I’m so
freaking excited to get this thing started,” said Hickfar.
“Dude, you
have to relax. If you get too excited you’ll explode,” said Cagnee.
“That’s
just a myth. No one is going to explode from excitement,” said Hickfar.
Hickfar
wiped the small beads of sweat from his forehead as Cagnee lit a smoke stick.
“The purple
beguzzle will be mine. I’ll put in on my mantle so me and all the hot babes can
look at it while we do it in front of the fireplace,” said Hickfar.
“Dude? The
babes? You’re not going to get any babes. All that Purple Beguzzle is, what it
really is, is a tool to keep all of us in line. Every year they trot us all out
here like our whole lives are just meant for this one moment. It’s cowfernicus crap
and you know it,” said Cagnee.
The
Plesnucket sounded again as the Lord High Valmordica took his seat on the
thrown of the Vanquished and the crowd cheered. He mildly waved at the people
and yawned slightly. His Princess, his Queen, the beloved Saramay, took her
seat next to the Lord High and waved to the masses of Woozels. They immediately
went crazy for her. They cheered and yelled and threw the pink petals of the
marcar flower at her feet.
“Oh my god
she’s hot,” said Hickfar.
“Pssht,
like you’d have a shot,” said Cagnee.
“If I win
the PurpleBbeguzzle I will totally have a shot with her. I’ll just have to
eliminate the Lord High and sidle up next to her. I’ve got some pretty smooth
moves,” said Hickfar.
“Smooth
moves? You once crapped yourself in high school when Stalicy, captain of the
cheer squad accidentally touched your arm as you passed each other in the hall.
You don’t have a chance,” said Cagnee.
“Seriously,
dude, why are you crapping on everything I’m saying? Can’t you just be positive
for one second,” asked Hickfar.
The High
Grasshopper Menega quieted the crowd and started explaining the hallowed and
sacred rules for obtaining the Purple Beguzzle. Then he moved on to the part
that gave every Woozel a tingle up their spine. It was a speech every Woozel
knew since their hatching time.
“Those
worthy of honor, worthy of the heavy weight of pride, shall therefore seek the
majestic Purple Beguzzle. It’s pulsing power will fill their eyes with the hope
for a new harvest moon and invigorate the constant unwavering spirit of all
Woozel kind,” said the High Grasshopper Menega.
The crowd
closed the incantation with the usual, ‘Hiwatcha’.
“I love
when he does that,” said Hickfar.
“I wish
this day was over already,” said Cagnee.
The Woozels
moved to the start squares drawn in the dirt along the bottom of Ant Hide Hill.
There was room enough for eight woozels in each square. They took their
starting positions as the Menenga watched the sun move across the sky. It had
to reach its optimal apex for the official start of the hunt.
Hickfar was
in a crouched position, licking his lips in anticipation. Cagnee was just
standing next to him, watching Menega perform the swaying ritual.
The Lord
High Valmordica hoisted the headless corpse and on the signal from the High
Grasshopper he tossed it into the water bell of Algar. Hickfar took off like a
lightening bolt as Cagnee sort of started walking while the rest of the Woozels
took off in a mad rush into the black enchanted woods of Eldar. Hickfar looked
back over his shoulder.
“Come on
Cagnee! I’m not going to win this alone!”
“Whatever,”
said Cagnee and he sprinted to catch up with Hickfar.
-------------------------------------
This is
what I write when I can’t quite come up with anything profound. I wonder if
Hickfar will win the Purple Beguzzle? I hope he knows that all that beguzzles,
isn’t purple. And what of Cagnee, will his apathy get the best of him? It’s the
sort of story that always floats around in my head. Imagine if it was my bread
and butter though. Pretty cool right?
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