Stuffy

It’s stuffy in my office. It’s pretty muggy outside. The two things make for a rather uncomfortable afternoon. I’ll tolerate it though, because tolerance is the cool thing to do. All the celebrities are into tolerance so I guess I should be too.

I have no desire to work today. I’m kind of in a mild hang over fog and work is very uninteresting. But it’s somewhere to be other than my apartment so I guess I’ll just make the best of it.

My mind is wandering quite a bit today. I’m not very focused on any particular thing. (Hence the meandering narrative of this little piece.)  I’m looking forward to getting a mini-vacation this weekend as I will be going to Indiana and have some relaxing summer fun. It feels like it’s been forever since I had some real summer relaxation.

The only thing that would make it better would be to have a pretty gal at my side. Now that would make it a super relaxed weekend.  I suppose it’d also be nice to have a rocket powered monkey driven super hovercraft to blast across the water with. I’m not sure how relaxing that would be. I’m pretty sure monkeys, even highly trained ones, would make terrible hovercraft drivers. The hovercraft would probably never get off the beach and wind up covered in monkey scat.

I wonder what the hell I’m talking about.

I rode the Blue line into work this morning and I realized how much I hate those uncomfortable CTA seats. They seem to suck all the energy out of you. Plus I get this weird, “Everyone’s judging me”, feeling while I am sitting there. I’m not worried about their judging eyes; I’m sure they don’t give an honest crap about me. I just wish it didn’t feel so creepy. It almost as if everyone riding the train is pensively waiting for something terrible to happen. As if riding the train is a near death experience. When those doors open and you get out at your station, it’s such a relief.

Seriously, what the hell am I babbling about? I think I’ll stop here today. This isn’t the wonderful montage of thought I hoped it would be. My brain is like a carnival train wreck this afternoon. (insert off key calliope music)

Another late one…

Thanks to my continued dental work I am quite delayed in pumping this little article out. There’s nothing like dental work to start your day out right. Two more visits and I’ll be done for a while. Sigh. I’m starting to feel like Bill Murray in Little Shop of Horrors.

I did have a pretty good story idea for today. These grandparents were apparently taking their three granddaughters downtown for the day. They were all riding the train and they all seemed quite happy to be there and be with each other. No one was whining and everyone was excited. From what I overheard the oldest was 12 going on 23, the middle might have been nine and the youngest might have been seven. I don’t quite know what grandpa was thinking but the 11 year old and the nine year old were wearing very short shorts. I don’t think I’d let my granddaughters wear something like that.

Anyway, I had a whole story idea from the grandfather’s perspective and blah, blah, blah, but since I’m so far behind today I will have to save that story for another day. I thought I’d wet your whistle for it however. Kind of like a coming attraction if you will.

I’m going to jam a burrito in my face now and finish up all this wild work I have in front of me.  My only saving grace is the sweet smile of my bartender I’ll see later tonight.

Mmmmm…. Burrito.

Bubbles

If you live in a bubble it’s easy to play the blame game. Everything wrong with America is because of something other people are doing. It’s not my fault. I pay my taxes and tote that barge and take care of my kids and blah, blah, blah. It’s those people that are ruining everything.  But I’d like to point out that it’s likely that very indifference that is what’s really wrong. Too many people on government programs you think? Well, tell Grandma to give back that Medicare/Medicaid and Social Security then. She doesn’t really need it I guess. Cut all that education spending, ok, I guess people are already dumb enough, can’t get any dumber.

I’ve always said the best way to get America back to its former glory days is to focus on our infrastructure. There are roads, bridges, monuments, landmarks, parks, and buildings, underground services like water and power that are all in dire need of attention. We are headed for a terrible crash if we keep ignoring these things or keep putting band-aids on them.  It would seem the American people aren’t motivated to fix any of these things.

They would rather continue to squabble between the parties and play politics than get to the business of America. Right now American government is faced with a very serious issue, The Debt Ceiling. “If Congress fails to raise the current $14.3 trillion debt limit by August 2, Americans could face rising interest rates and a declining dollar, among other problems. As the cost of borrowing rises, individual mortgages, car loans and student loans could become significantly more expensive.”[1]

The Democrats want a plan that would save $2.2 TRILLION over the next decade and raise the debt ceiling by $2.7 TRILLION and everybody has to get their hands dirty, rich and poor through taxation. Mind you they would prefer to increase the tax on those people making more than $250,000 a year but the Republicans refuse to agree to any tax increase.

The Republican position and that of John Boehner appears to be that the plan submitted by Harry Reid doesn’t cut enough, “entitlement programs”. That they want to cut spending more than they increase the debt limit with no tax hikes. Basically they want to keep the rich, rich and the poor mired in the thick of it because, "Hey, they didn't work hard enough".

So it’s at an impasse. How did America get into this kind of trouble anyway? By not looking for solutions within its own infrastructure is the only thing I can think of. We did not invest in ourselves and now have to pay the price. Imagine if jobs were plentiful because we were working on our crumbling infrastructure. Those employed people would be making a good wage and spending that money back here in America. It would increase our GDP and keep interest rates and all those other related financial woes manageable.

But what do I know; I’m just a guy looking for a wedding date (still. Any takers…..?) and what can I really do about it? Well, I think this time I will have to take the vicious figurative pen of mine and get involved. It’s time to get involved everybody and take control of our elected officials and make sure they understand what is best for us, the American people.  It’s simple, education, jobs, homes, health and security. But we can’t let government do it for us. We have to get involved and pop our little bubbles and remember we’re all in this together.

Okay, enough politics. So… wedding plans anyone?

---

[1] http://www.cnn.com/2011/POLITICS/07/27/debt.talks/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

Here comes the date… maybe.

Within the next three months I will be attending three weddings. Two will be for family and one I am going as a guest. The problem is; I need a wedding date for the two family ones.    In the first wedding I’m actually in the wedding party so I’d need someone to go with me that isn’t afraid to be surrounded by my family for several hours while I tackle the incredible and demanding duties of usher.

They must also be able to handle their alcohol, or if not, be able to tolerate the copious amounts my family can consume without being bored at their ridiculous antics.  My wedding date should also be prepared for my numerous affectionate glances, casual touches and inoffensive sexual suggestions. Actually, I’d like to go to two of these weddings with the same person, not because they’re doing me a favor, but because they’d like to be there with me; someone who actually enjoys my polite and hilarious company.

I’ve been on a dating hunt lately and it’s been one hell of a relationship dry spell. I love my close friends who have put up with my antics but we’re pretty sure we’ll never have that “kind” of relationship. We have wonderful friendships that would likely not work out well as, “boyfriend/girlfriend”, no matter how hard we tried.

I think weddings are nice events for couples. It seems so rare these days that couples have the opportunity to put on their best outfits and suits and class it up together.  I like being classy with a lassie. Plus I think my family weddings are great fun and anyone that goes with me is sure to have an excellent time. Even on the overnight wedding events.

The last three weddings I’ve gone to in the last couple years, I’ve either gone alone or with one of my best friends. There’s nothing as sad as going to a wedding without a plus one. You end up standing by the bar or sitting at the table watching couple after couple dance or get close to each other and your heart starts to sink and you think there’s no chance in heaven or hell you’ll ever find someone to dance with again. You’ll never see a smiling face longing for you to take their hand and give them a twirl on the dance floor. It’s as if the spirit of loneliness is holding your head under water in a glass sink. (You know, so you can see everyone having couple related fun while you slowly drown, in booze)

But that brings me back to the original dilemma, what woman would like to go with me? Clearly I’ve over-thought this and it’s kept me up late at night. Really, I’m making far too big of a deal out of it. I mean, it’s just a simple wedding event, who cares if you go stag, no one judges those people that go to family weddings all alone. All the time.

So I’m going to ask my favorite girls if they’d be interested in going with me to these weddings. There’s one or two that I would really leap into the air with joy if they were to say yes. And they would say yes not because they were doing it out of pity but because they were genuinely interested in having a kick ass time with me. No one likes a pity wedding date, that’s just mean. That’s like, “I like you enough not to throw up on your shoes but don’t push it”.  So wish me luck and if I do ask you, please know that it’s something I’ve thought a lot about and it’s just not random desperation.  (Don’t be afraid to volunteer either). So here goes….

Rains and pigeon attacks

Friday night was awesome, apart from almost drowning in a shot of Whiskey. Here’s a note for the future, do not inhale Whiskey. Go ahead and drink it like a normal human being, not like me, who tried to inhale it. My drunken life flashed before my eyes and it wasn’t very interesting, apart from a few moments of real happiness. (Wink)

Anyway, a wonderfully cooling rain fell through the early Saturday morning hours and I was one of the lucky few able to traverse the stormy Chicago streets. It was a blessed break from the stifling humidity we’d been experiencing and it felt marvelous. It felt so normal and natural to walk through the heavy drops. It wasn’t one of those rains that you felt that you had to run in. A slow steady pace was all that was needed to walk and get wet. I really enjoyed it. It’s funny how you treasure moments like that after nearly aspirating on a shot of Whiskey.

Plus there was an electrical storm the likes of which I hadn’t been awake for in years. It was a true light show of biblical proportions and I was awed by this planet’s power. No wonder we created so many Gods to explain what was happening up in the sky. That’s some scary stuff going on up there. If we still believed that the lightening was the work of Gods in this modern era would that mean those people that had their power knocked out were sinners and we should have stoned them for bringing such terrible heavenly wrath upon us? At least we would have cast them out, chanting, “Unclean! Unclean!”

Glad we’re not that superstitious anymore. It’d be terrible to live in a world where zealots shout and wail at small groups of people they believe to be unclean, infidels or not part of God’s “plan”. Can you imagine how silly that would be? What a wonderful modern age we live in.

Although we still don’t know what to do about pigeons. This morning as I walked down Wells street I saw two women struggling to walk through a large group of pigeons that had gathered under the “EL” tracks. The pigeons reminded me of a group of toughs from the 1950’s, hassling shop keepers and the regular pedestrian as they were just trying to walk down the street.  These pigeons were flapping and flying all over the place, they might have been 100 of them going all Alfred Hitchcock on those two poor ladies. The women actually covered their heads as they were harassed through the throngs of cooing riff-raff.  It struck me as very curious that the pigeons would choose that particular spot to hang out at. I guess one of them could have been in the Dunkin’ Donuts and was hassling the clerk for some bagel scraps, while the others waited outside to cause trouble.

I swear I saw one of the pigeons smoking. I think he pulled a switchblade too. Another one had a tattoo that read, “Egg”.  I just kept walking. I’m not one to get involved with trouble like that. The ladies did make it through and seemed no worse for the wear. I hope those hooligan pigeons aren’t out there still after work. Maybe it’ll rain and scatter them off.

Damn you busy Friday. Mooo.

It’s been a very busy morning and I am once again forced to pull the oxbow for the man instead of being creative. We’ll pick up with more exciting adventures and insights on Monday.

Searing

Summer Time sizzled across sidewalks and streets.

Scalding and searing its stern self upon us.

We rot and roast and redden in the unrelenting rays.

We revel and rouse in its rage.

Heat and hot hover over heads hating the harshness.

Hiding in houses and holding cool hope.

We bathe and blister and bask as it beats down.

Blinded and bullied by its brutal beauty.

Sweat streaks down squinted faces and sunglassed eyes.

Singing the scales of Satan’s summer song.

Refreshing release is ripe as evening reveals.

Rousting the roasted to repeal their retreat.

 So bar rooms and booze bears the brunt

of our searing and this

stunning

summer

       heat.