Space Patrol

Right now there are people floating above our planet in manmade metal tubes. I think it’s just amazing. We have come so far technologically yet we still can’t figure out how not to want to hold each other’s head underwater for, “just a little while”.  

I was thinking about writing about NASA and their final Endeavour shuttle mission but that’s so boring. I mean I still think it’s cool but it’s not really good press. I mean, sure, human beings are in space and for some reason I feel like they’re safer up there than we are down here. But again, where’s the fun in that story.

I recently heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose name does appear in Spell Check) fathered a child with a family staffer 10 years ago and he’s kept it hush-hush until the recent split with Maria Shriver. That’s crazy. How would you like to be the Terminator’s bastard?

“I’ll be back, at Christmas and maybe every other birthday. Now hurry, get to the Choppa!”

Poor kid. Although, it’s highly unlikely the child and mother were living in a seedy LA underpass hotel. I’m sure the child has had a relatively good life, other than the desire to lift heavy things and visit Austria.  But I feel it was probably a life far better off than some other bastards out there. I’m sure he’ll be an astronaut. Oh my goodness, “Schwarzenegger In Spaaaaaaace!!!”

Speaking of other things space-like, can we please stop with all the alien invasion movies of late? I’m really tired of this idea that humanity will unite in defense of the globe in order to defeat the alien hordes.  I figure at least one group of people would try to broker a deal with the invading alien’s and sell off the rest of humanity a la Lex Luthor in Superman II. So I’m a little unenthused about more alien invasion stuff.

Finally, there’s a space between myself and women that’s really getting annoying. I’m not quite sure what it is or if it can be explored with the use of high tech devices or manned missions. I simply can’t figure women out. If NASA had any guts at all and endless Federal funding they’d abandon the exploration of the Solar System for a while and try to figure out why a young, fairly good looking,  moderately successful guy like myself is so, “unaccompanied”.   I’m sure it’s a suicide mission however; a one way ticket to the edge of a black hole before being sucked into a Universe of hair products and fashion magazine perfume ads.  The horror. The Horror. Although, like most men, it’s a journey I’d be willing to take, for the right woman.

“HAL, open the pod bay doors”.