Teeth

Genetics has determined I am to have miserable teeth. I have done everything a responsible tooth having person is supposed to do and yet my teeth continue to rot out of my damn head. No, I’ve not been doing crystal meth or anything. It’s just genetics.

My mother, aunts and uncles all have terrible teeth. On my father’s side, they have terrible teeth. So I was doomed from the get go.  My sister however, her teeth are fine. I’m not sure how she dodged the genetic bullet. Although I got the good skin and absolutely zero allergies whereas she didn’t have as much luck that way so I suppose it worked out.

So at some point last night one of my back molars decided to surrender and has caused me such incredible pain that even with the numbing effects of aspirin I want to rip all my teeth out and mush my food with bloody toothless sockets. I am considering just having all my teeth removed and just getting the damn fake implants.

And before my critics can say anything, I have already made an appointment with my dentist to see what repairs can be made to my poor mouth. I like my dentist, he’s a wonderful guy, but I hate him. I hate dentists. I hate their condescension. They look at you with a, “Tsk, tsk, tsk… I told you to brush and floss”. It makes me want to bite them.

I love what they do and their chosen profession, but it’s no wonder they have the highest suicide rate of any profession. People legitimately hate them, especially those of us that brush and floss and use Listerine and don’t eat any candy, but still have serious dental issues. It’s a punch in pride’s face and it’s a horror show.  In the end however, I am glad there are people that have chosen to devote themselves to healthy teeth for the betterment of us all. Even with all that hate.

So I’ll suffer for a few weeks before I can get into my dentist. (I took the earliest appointment they had, consarnit) And I’ll just have to self-medicate for a while and hope I don’t die from a tooth related infection. Although with the approaching, alleged, Rapture on Saturday, I might not have to worry about it for long. Unless I don’t get taken up to heaven and all the dentists do. Then we’ll have a real problem.