Incompatibility

Don’t tell me you like me and then dance with someone else. I can’t stand that. I can’t tolerate it. Don’t tell me how you want me in a flirtatious, sexual way but then go out with someone else; even if we’re not in a real relationship. I can’t understand the person that thinks that is okay. I don’t know what world that person comes from. I just don’t understand. It’s so offensive and hurtful and cruel. You’ll never find anything meaningful that way. Traipsing around like a late sixties hippie, trying to experience all kinds of different relationships makes every relationship somehow meaningless and shallow. And always leaves someone hurt.

All relationships are, “relationships”, in one way or another and they require a certain amount of nurturing. I’m tired of people that think they can do anything they want. There are consequences to that wanton disregard for that nurturing. Maybe these girls have been able to escape the consequences or somehow rationalize their actions by saying, “Well, I’m doing what I want so it must be the other person’s problem”.

No. It’s you. You have the problem. You see no moral complications with treading on the hearts of people. As long as you get what you want, but you don’t even know what it is that you want so it’s just a big clustercuss in the end.  I’m not compatible with women like that. I like women that mean what they say and say what they mean and do what they say. I don't get it when the woman I might be seeing kisses every cheek in the room and whispers something sweet in every man’s ear and then looks at me and wonders why I’m frowning. They can’t make the logical connection that it’s a betrayal of conscience. Where’s her Jiminy Cricket on her shoulder telling her that it’s not okay to play fast and loose with people’s affections?

You can be as up front as you want and state that you’re not interested in any kind of relationship but if you make intimate inquiries or flirt excessively and experience pleasure together you’ve a responsibility not to belittle that connection by doing the exact same thing with someone else. It is a “relationship” and to think otherwise is indecent. You can’t be surprised when a person is offended by that behavior. You’ve lost that right when you decided to throw your affections around like candy on Halloween.

I’m a very capable man. I’m emotionally available. I’m passionate. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I react very strongly to things. I take the availability of my emotions very seriously and I cannot tolerate someone who doesn’t. It’s taken me a very, very long time to become an emotional person. It’s been carefully crafted and studied over the course of my life and I can’t handle it when people crap all over it and think nothing of it. People that somehow think I’m being judgmental or insensitive to their needs need think about what they’re doing before judging my emotional reaction to their behavior.

I’m not a plaything. I’m not a ball of string to be batted around when the desire strikes. I’ve made my mistakes with the hearts of other’s. I am no saint. But I am emotionally aware enough to recognize how bad I made them feel. My conscience tells me that I’ve done something wrong. That I’ve hurt someone because I was insensitive to their expectations or personal desires. I try very hard to be aware of what others are feeling now and try not to abuse their feelings.  I don’t tell someone I like them and not mean it. I don’t passionately kiss someone and then kiss someone else. I don’t express sexual desire to more than one person at a time.

I only expect people to do the same with me. I suppose it’s foolish these days. There are too many “liberated” types out there doing whatever they want regardless of who gets in the way. Go ahead and kiss everyone, tell everyone you want them in your bed, tell them you want to be emotional with someone but not too emotional. Tell them you want a connection but don’t want the responsibilities that come with that connection.

My heart has been heavy for a long time. It’s held together with glue and tape and small pieces of wood. It struggles to beat with each longing breath. Relationship, no relationship, I just expect people to know I have a heart and that I care deeply about them. Maybe they could let their heart see the world through my eyes for a while and perhaps then they’d understand why my heart is so weary.