No Bad Luck

 

                Jessie kicked in the front door of the bar. The patrons froze as Jessie stood, arms akimbo, clad in her karate Gi. She wiped her nose with her thumb. 

                “Hey,” said the bartender as he moved around the side of the bar, “you can’t just kick my door in! What the heck is the matter with you!” 

                Jessie moved like lightening and within an instant, the bartender had been flung across the room, crashing into the jukebox; which was ironically playing “Everyone was Kung-Fu Fighting.” The patrons began to scurry toward the back of the small bar as Jessie stepped forward, crunching the broken jukebox glass under her bare feet. 

                “I’m looking for Friday, Friday the Thirteenth,” said Jessie as she scanned the worried faces of the bar patrons. 

                “It’s on Netflix,” said someone from the crowd. Jessie leapt into the air and with a decisive strike, knocked that person through the wall. Plaster dust and cobwebs wafted in the still air. 

                “I’m not here for jokes as you can see. I’m here for vengeance,” said Jessie as she straightened her black belt around her Gi. She wiped her nose with her thumb again. 

                Sitting at the bar, in a long black trench coat and black cowboy hat with a large black crow feather sticking out from the hatband, was Friday the Thirteenth. He was looking at his own reflection in the cracked mirror behind the bar. 

                “You lookin’ fer me,” said Friday the Thirteenth. He stood up from his barstool and flicked his drink straw onto the floor and then spit.  

“Heeeeey man,” said the busboy, “I gotta clean that man, c’mon.” 

“Sorry,” shrugged Friday the Thirteenth. 

“You know I have been looking for you,” said Jessie, “for what you did to my brother.” She tugged at the corners of her Gi and took a combat stance. Her fists clenched so tight her knuckles had turned bone white. 

“Okay, listen. I don’t know you. I don’t know your brother. I’m just another day of the week that just happens to coincide with King Philip IV of France arrests of hundreds of the Knights Templar on Friday, October 13, 1307, and then executed them; it does not make me unlucky,” said Friday the Thirteenth. 

“You know it’s more than that,” said Jessie, who readjusted her footing. 

“Don’t come at me with your triskaidekaphobia. That’s all on you Karate Kid Four,” said Friday the Thirteenth. 

“I’m going to pummel your ass,” said Jessie. She lunged forward and swung her leg around Roadhouse style towards Friday the Thirteenth’s head. He ducked as Jessie’s bare foot just barely brushed the crow feather sticking from his hat. 

She laughed as the feather had tickled her foot in just the right spot and she didn’t stick her landing and crashed into a nearby ladder that the bartender had been using to take down Christmas lights earlier.  The patrons in the bar took that opportunity to finish their drinks and run out without paying their bills. 

Jessie shook her head back and forth and quickly stood up and got back into her fighting stance. She slowly circled Friday the Thirteenth, keeping her eyes on his. 

“Seriously, I don’t know what this is about. Did your brother like, get hurt, or God forbid, die or something? I mean, I literally had nothing to do with it,” said Friday the Thirteenth. 

Jessie clenched her teeth as she started to move forward. She Karate chopped Friday the Thirteenth across his chest and he fell backwards into the barstools. 

“Morituri te Salutamus,” shouted Jessie as she rushed towards Friday the Thirteenth. He dove to his left to escape her furious fists. 

“Holy shit lady! What the hell is the matter with you! Those of us who are about to die salute you? Are you really screaming Latin at me right now,” asked Friday the Thirteenth. 

“Confess and maybe I’ll let you live,” said Jessie. She made a fist and cracked her knuckles in Friday the Thirteenth’s face. 

“Sure, sure. I confess. Whatever it is I did I beg your forgiveness,” said Friday the Thirteenth. 

Jessie wiped her nose with her thumb again. In the distance the siren of police cars was starting to wail.  Jessie looked toward the open, broken bar door she had kicked in. She saw the faces of the patrons crowded on the sidewalk who were peeking in. 

“Too many witnesses,” said Jessie, “next time though. Next time you won’t be so lucky.” Jessie ran back through the door and hopped over the hood of police car that had just screeched to a hard stop. 

“I’m the opposite of luck you dummy,” yelled Friday the Thirteenth after Jessie. 

Friday the Thirteenth looked at the wrecked tables and bar around him. He walked over the bartender, who was just recovering from his visit through the jukebox, and extended his hand to help.

 “Just go, just get out,” said the Bartender, “I knew you were going to be trouble the second that black cat crossed in front of you.”

 “Sorry,” said Friday the Thirteenth. He tipped his hat and walked out of the bar, under a ladder, simultaneously stepping on a sidewalk crack.