And So, Here it is...

             I really wanted to commemorate this eight hundredth post with something really profound and thoughtful. I wanted it to be something provocative and indelibly interesting but my mind wanders too much for that. There’s a bunch of guys using a jackhammer across the street at the orphaned children’s home, they’re rebuilding the concrete around the play area and it’s terribly distracting. It makes it really hard to actually sit here and concentrate on saying something undeniably awesome.

            I wanted to be like, “A Man that takes the few words available to him in his life and crafts them from the mud of language into the songs of the heart… blah, blah, blah…”, but this freaking jackhammer is just not conducive to creativity like that. I mean, come on… I know it’s your job and you’re doing it, but Jesus, I’m trying to create here in my shitty apartment. And I just realized Windows is Catholic since it automatically capitalized the word “Jesus”. 

            Oh man, now they have a saw to go along with the jackhammer.  And a dog is barking. Seriously, I’m trying to write here guys. I mean, if writing 800 of these blasted blog posts has taught me anything… I’d be happy to tell you about it but since there’s so MUCH GOD DAMN NOISE I CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT.

             I’M JUST GOING TO YELL FOR THE REST OF THIS SO MAYBE I CAN HEAR MYSELF THINK. SO…, ANYWAY… THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN 800 OF THESE BLOGS AND I THINK IT’S FITTING THAT IT’S ALSO THE FIRST DAY OF MAY AND… GOD DAMN IT, NOW THERE’S A GARBAGE TRUCK OUTSIDE. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? IS IT THE FREAKING NOISE HOUR?! I THANK GOD I’M NOT A NURSE WHO HAS TO WORK THE NIGHT SHIFT AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I GET TO SLEEP DURING THE DAY. I MEAN, THERE WOULD BE SO MANY MURDERS IF I COULDN’T SLEEP BECAUSE OF THE NOISE.

            AMBULANCE GOING BY NOW, SIRENS WAIILING. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL THE FAITHFUL READING A LOT OF YOU GUYS HAVE DONE OVER THE YEARS. IT REALLY MEANS… GOD DAMN IT, IT’S SO NOISY. MAYBE I SHOULD DO THIS LATER…

            Okay, it’s still noisy but I closed a window. It’s a little better. Except it gets immediately stuffy in here. And that dog, that damn dog, what the hell man…

            So, as I was trying to say, it’s been my privilege to write this blog in a country where writing is an acceptable way to attempt to live. I mean, I’m sure they write in other countries but they certainly might not have the wildly awesome blog audience that I have. Or maybe they get paid in other countries.

            So as I sit here, at my little computer desk, in my underwear, I want to thank you, the passionate reader and friend, for taking the time out of each and almost every day to take a look at the literary fumbling I commit to these pages. It’s been so fun to say, “Why yes, I do have a blog”, to so many people over the years. It’s been a real treat to laud my alleged creativity over so many. I mean, thanks so much for recognizing the genius in your midst. I’ll try not to let it go to my incredibly awesome head.

            I think there’s a guy just hitting the ground with a hammer for no reason out there. I mean, what’s he hitting. There’s no nail, or post or anything. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BANGING?

Heheheh, banging….

            So in closing, I’m actually really proud of this 800^th blog post and I really hope to see my readership steadily increase over the course of the next millennium. I am deeply indebted to so many people, especially my Mother, who has been nothing but a Saint on Earth for me, as well as those that have supported me in my quest for literary supremacy.  Here’s to 800 more! Cheers!