Hey America, You Got a Minute?

 

Hey America, you got a Minute?

Yes, you.

Fine. North America.

The United States of America,

do you have a minute?

Sheesh, so touchy lately.

 

Sorry we got off to an

awkward start there.

Please come in and

make yourself comfortable,

but not too comfortable,

am I right Guam…? Ha!

 

I’m just kidding of course,

please sit down on the couch

there.

Now, I know it’s your birthday

this weekend and I wanted to

discuss a few things with you

before it got crazy.

 

Please put down the bong.

I know, I know, it’s legal for

most of you now, but this is

important.

Thank you.

Now, as I was saying…

 

You got a lot of problems

you’re not confronting, what with

this party attitude and nonchalant

sort of “they’ll wear themselves out”

thing going on.

It’s really got me worried and I want

you to be okay.

 

Thank you for listening,

now about the guns….

No, no, no, no, no, no, no…

Please don’t get up.

This is important.

 

I know you think you're old enough

to have them, but the evidence doesn’t

really support that. I know you think they’re

cool and all, but there’s a lot of people

getting wounded and killed, lots of kids.

Yeah, kids.

I know it’s terrible.

So that’s why I wanted to

have this minute with you, to sort of,

you know, kindly ask you to

get your shit together.

 

Will you please take that

baseball cap off?

No, I do not want to see your

truck nuts.

Will you please listen?

 

Let’s just say that for your

big boy birthday, number 245

to be fair, that you might want

to start being a little more

responsible for yourself and

all those weapons out there.

 

I know, majority this and that,

but really, you are capable of such

incredible things and are so much

bigger than your petty differences,

why is this teeny issue the one you

get hung up on?

 

It’s not so bad really,

The queen of England doesn’t appear

ready to storm the beaches

of Cape Hatteras anytime soon,

so maybe we can lay off the whole,

right to bear arms thing?

 

Okay, that’s all I wanted to say,

you can go back outside and play

with your friends, don’t be a bully

though and remember play nice and to share.

Okay.

I love you too.

Happy Birthday!