Bum-Bum's Wedding

 

                Gerald kicked his snow covered boots off at the door. They tumbled into the pile of other shoes and winter weather gear left in the corner of the foyer. A little snow flew from the soles of his boots onto the hardwood floor. Gerald dried it with his sock, rubbing his foot back and forth over the spot as he took his winter coat off. He pulled the wool cap from his head and shook the light snow from it. He hung his coat and winter items on the banister. There was a coat rack but it was already loaded up to the point of nearly tipping over.  “Family”, mused Gerald. 

                He walked in his sock-feet through the front hallway into the kitchen. His brother and sister-in-law were mid-argument about how much screen time was too much for Gerald’s niece, Samantha.  Brad, Gerald’s brother, was of the belief that as long as Samantha was learning something there were no issues with her sitting nose deep into the iPad. Trinity, Gerald’s sister-in-law, whole-heartedly disagreed and was of the belief that Samantha needed to socialize more with the other six-year-old kids.

                 Gerald rubbed his cold hands together loudly to see if he could get Brad and Trinity’s attention.

                 “Sure is cold out there,” said Gerald.

                 His brother nodded in Gerald’s direction and Trinity half waved as she continued to make her point regarding the lack of socialization skills as a rapidly growing issue among school age children.

                 Gerald half waved back and curled his toes in his socks. He didn’t like to see his family fight, especially about something so trivial. It made him worry that maybe there were larger issues under the surface Brad and Trinity weren’t willing to deal with.

                 “Where’s Samantha,” asked Gerald.

                 Brad gestured toward Samantha’s room upstairs as he made his point about how silly Trinity was being and that he was practically raised by TV and he turned out just fine. To which Trinity scoffed and said it was obvious he was raised by TV considering his limited attention span. Gerald took this as an opportunity to sneak out of the kitchen and see what his niece was up to.

                 Gerald climbed the stairs, passed the stereotypical photo gallery along the staircase wall. The family photos with baby Samantha, the photos of Brad and Gerald’s long deceased parents in their best 1970’s groovy outfits; one of them, or even both of them, holding either a cigarette or a can of Old Style.  Gerald cringed at the late 1980’s school photos of himself and Brad. Trinity always looked the same in all her photos going all the way back to third-grade it seemed. Gerald was ashamed to admit his little crush on his brother’s wife. He’d never act on it or even vocalize it in any way. Yet it tugged at him in a very jealous way. His sin was envy and being covetous and he shamefully knew it.

                 “Uncle Ger,” said Samantha. Her little name for Gerald. She was at the top of the stairs waiting for him. She was wearing a sheer veil over her head, “I’m playing Wedding.”

                “Who’s getting married,” asked Gerald.

                 Samantha tried to brush the veil from off her face but it was too long. She tried to blow it off her face but it didn’t budge.

                 “Bum-Bum is getting married,” she giggled and grabbed Gerald by the hand leading him to her room. In her room she had set up her stuffed animals in three rows of wedding guests and at the front was her stuffed bunny, Bum-Bum.  She had managed to put a small bow around his worn neck as a tie. He looked nervous.

                 “Who is Bum-bum getting married to,” asked Gerald.

                “Shhhh…. the Penguin is about to start,” she said with her little finger to her lips.

                 A plastic Christmas penguin was clearly officiating these nuptials. Samantha pulled the plastic penguin in front of Bum-Bum and in her best deep voice began the wedding service. Gerald sat down on the floor on the bride’s side as he felt it was the right thing to do.

                 “Do you Bum-Bum,” she said with a very serious look on her face, “take Miss Samantha McClean, Princess of the Islands, Lady of the Water people and all-powerful ruler of Closetvania?”

                  Samantha reached down and shook Bum-Bum’s head in a vigorous nod. “Yes, I do. I most absolutely really do,” said Bum-Bum in his usual high register.  

                 “With the powers invested in me by the State of Connecticut,” said the Penguin, “I now proname you Princess and Bunny!”  Samantha clapped and leaned down and kissed Bum-Bum on his worn-out nose. Gerald clapped and cheered. Samantha took a little bow.

                 “We’re not really married. We’re just pretend married,” said Samantha with a know-it-all look on her little freckled face.

                 “Could have fooled me,” said Gerald, “That was a very official looking wedding.”

                “It’s not real,” she said, in her comforting little tone, patting Gerald on the shoulder.

                 Gerald laughed and pulled her towards him and gave her a big hug. “Congratulations on your big wedding day though. Where’s the reception?”

                 “It was going to be in the kitchen but the party that is in there is taking too long,” said Samantha.

                 She frowned as she said it. Gerald felt instantly bad that this pretend wedding officiated by a plastic penguin was being held up by Brad and Trinity’s silly argument.

                 “Well, let’s see what we can do about that,” said Gerald as he picked up Samantha in his arms.

                “Don’t forget my husband,” said Samantha.

                “Oh, of course,” said Gerald as he reached down to pick Bum-Bum up as well.

                 Gerald hummed the Wedding March, “Here comes the bride…” but didn’t know the rest of the words as they came down the stairs. He was making a big production of it to alert the over-staying kitchen usurpers as to their arrival. When he got to the kitchen, Trinity and Brad had put their argument away for another time and over-excitedly welcomed Samantha and Bum-Bum on their big day.  They sat her down at the table and Trinity asked her what was on the menu for her big reception.

                 “Peanut butter and jelly,” gleefully yelled Samantha.

                 Gerald looked at his brother, who seemed only tacitly engaged with his wife and daughter, as he stared out the big kitchen window at the quickly falling snow.  Gerald’s brother sighed.