Say it isn’t an actuality

There was a lot of drinking over the last few days. Starting Wednesday until Saturday the alcohol flowed fast and free and by St. Patrick’s Day night I was over it all. The idea of getting plowed or to such a state of inebriation as to be unable to speak has become vilely unattractive.  It’s not like I have ever really been a stumbling fool of a drunk or get into random fights with strangers. It’s just boring after a while.  I was struck with how boring it was on St. Patrick’s Day night.

There were laughs to be had but they started to seem hollow and disingenuous. It started to make me feel like an idiot and like I was somehow duped into the jet set life style of the social drinker. It wasn’t all martinis or mint juleps as I was lead to believe. It’s just beer and whiskey and people yelling or talking too loud. It’s the annoying music and the constant droning nag of the same old stories told over and over again. And if you tell someone that you know their story, that they told you the exact same thing the day before, or even a few minutes before, they don’t care and just keep right on telling the same boring story while you’re forced to just nod and agree out of politeness even though you’d rather be blessed with deafness.

I don’t really blame anyone specifically. There’s no one person that has started to sour me on the whole idea of wasting countless hours and dollars on the fleeting joy of a few cocktails. There’s no malice in it. I just think I’ve started to outgrow it. Plus I’m getting pretty damn fat.  

I think I’m entering that stage where I’d just like to relax at a bar and talk quietly over a few drinks. I don’t want to yell to be heard. I don’t want to have to yell to the bartender to please get me another drink. I don’t want to hear other customers talk about how much they love breasts or vagina or how long it’s been since they’ve had any sex. I don’t care about that. I don’t like to hear men objectify women as they work or as they just enter the bar.

I’ll fully admit that I am not above ogling a woman. I think women are beautiful and I’ll usually give a girl the once over. But I would never in a million years turn to the guy next to me at the bar and describe how I think she’d look while we had sex. It’s just rude and severely uncouth.  I just want to enjoy my drink without somebody nudging me to watch them make a rude facial gesture behind a woman’s back.

I digress, my point is…. I’m not actually sure. I’d written a couple of bullshit things after that line but nothing seemed true. I know I’m not just going to stop drinking or going to my bars. I know that I’ll keep laughing too loud and try to be cool. (I’m shockingly not cool). I think I just have to remind myself that I’m the only one in control of my life; that I’m not the victim of anyone else’s whims or cruelties. I am the one that has to take responsibility for my choices.

Now get me another beer and turn up the jukebox.