Thursday, November 15, 2012

It’s Sometimes So Unreal

There are mornings in this life that can leave one baffled about the peculiar nature of the universe and why it’s constantly trying to destroy us. I had a rough night, tossing and turning in my bed. I was frustrated with thoughts of my future and embarrassed by things in my past and it prevented me from getting any decent sleep. Plus, the unregulated radiators in my apartment seem to feel that Sahara hot is the appropriate setting for the evenings. I’ve got my pan of water on one radiator to try and cut some of the dryness but frankly that looks so prehistoric. I may have to invest in a humidifier.

But back to the universe trying to destroy us; it seems that in physics, positive and negative forces are constantly smashing into each other essentially creating the fabric of time as it is destroyed and re-made every single nanosecond. Among this beyond microscopic universe is how we perceive time and reality, and it just tries to screw us.

I woke up a little late this morning, which as my loyal readers know, is a terrible curse for me. I sleep like the dead wish they could sleep. I hear nothing, two alarm clocks and nothing. I live just off a very busy street with trucks and fire engines constantly rattling and wailing by, and I don’t hear a thing. The universe thinks it’s hilarious to speed time up in the mornings so when I do finally wake up I have precious little time to get myself together and get out the door so I can make it to my train on time. I often think I can hear the universe laughing at me. 

As I rush through my “S’s” (shit, shave, shower) I make bumbling mistakes that the universe thinks is mildly amusing. I somehow turn into Jerry Lewis and I fumble with the water temperature in the shower, my towel, and then my shoes won’t cooperate while getting dressed, then I have to hunt for my keys, or change for the bus, or forget that I wanted to charge my phone. Perhaps the universe is French.

This morning I rushed through my progressions still wondering why it takes three whole minutes to put my shoes on. I mean, three minutes, why does it take three minutes? From putting socks on till tying up the laces takes three minutes? Why does the universe think that’s funny? I suppose if I were watching from the comfort of the vastness of space, I might think it was funny too. I’m sure I make some incredibly funny faces.

In my haste however, it seems I forgot my work key card somewhere on my dining room table. This is quite rare for me because I don’t lose things like that. I never lose lighters or pens. I still have an expired gift card in my wallet for some reason. When I got to work and went to slide my card through the little card reader, my card was not to be found. This sent me into a panic because, as I said, I don’t lose these types of things. I could have sworn I heard childlike chuckling from somewhere as I searched through my wallet. The universe had managed to find a new way to screw me over and it was having a great time with it.

So as I finally sit in my cubicle, still steaming about my missing key card, I wonder about the unreality of reality. Nothing I write seems all that far fetched in comparison to the crazy things that can happen to the average person on any given average day. In the individual scheme of things, the minor transgressions and practical jokes of the universe seem monumental, but when compared to the mass of humanity, it’s very petty and small.

Still, I’m pretty annoyed at the universe right now. Although the universe keeps reminding me, much like Family Circus the universe is always “Not Me”, and I can’t blame the universe for not sleeping well, waking up late, forgetting my key card and keeping me perpetually single. Which I find evermore annoying.

The universe has seemed very unreal to me lately. As I ride the train and the bus or in this cubicle; I feel so disconnected to the people around me. I sit in my apartment at night and the loneliness of the universe seems to sneak in through the nooks and crannies of my drafty windows. I’m distracted by reality and its gravity but detached from it, as if it wasn't really there at all.  It's like when you look into the eyes of a cat. You're not sure if the cat is actually looking back at you or just through you and thinking about ways to make you misplace things. 


  1. Good one, for several reasons.
    My ex also slept through alarms. A clock radio blasting at full volume for 60 minutes, and he would still sleep through it. If anyone ever tried to wake him with a gentle push, he would lunge at that person in full-attack mode before he realized what he was doing. So I learned to let the radio play, let him be late for work, ...

    1. Thank you, Anonymous. I wonder who you are.