Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Must be Tuesday, so I hate you

I sweat the small stuff and almost never worry about the big stuff. It’s just who I am or at least it’s the person I’ve become. I get a little upset when there’s no sugar left at the coffee station at work. All that’s there is the god damn Equal which tastes like powdered asshole.  It is nearly enough to drive me over the edge of sanity and reason and start taking stuffed animals as “hostages” and demand more sugar through a megaphone.

I get very annoyed at the little things. A woman riding the train sat next to me wearing a back pack. She didn’t take the back-pack off but sat down facing the aisle so the back pack took up most of the seat, and mashed up against me. She never looked back. Not even once. Never apologized or had any thought that her large back-pack might be shoved up against a stranger.

Watch your feet when you walk downtown, I take that back, watch other people’s feet when you walk downtown. I can’t tell you how often I get kicked in the bottom of the foot by people not paying attention to the speed or movement of the people in front of them. I just want to turn around and morph into some kind of giant head chomping monster, tear their fool head off their body and spray the remaining crowd with their entrails.

One little thing I think we can all agree on are liars. I can’t stand being lied to. Especially when I know you’re lying. There’s nothing wrong with telling the truth. I hate myself for it too. I’m no angel and I have told my share of white lies but I’m trying very hard to be as truthful as humanly possible. I usually lie to spare someone’s feelings, which I suppose may seem noble but probably isn’t.

Modern technology has given us a lot of amazing gifts, especially in the realm of portable music. However this doesn’t mean I want to hear how much you enjoy rap. That repetitive, constant droning beat over a mumbling speed talker is not how I want to start my morning so let’s turn that down and have respect for the eardrums around you. Or I swear to God I’ll make you listen to 15 hours of Vivaldi.

Stop freaking out about the upcoming NATO event in Chicago. It will not rain chaos down upon the streets. The river will not run red with the blood of international businessmen. Downtown Chicago will not be overturned by a few thousand protestors who can’t even agree on what they are protesting. Chicago will be fine and it should go about as business as usual. Those that want to cause trouble. You suck and should find a new line of work. Maybe volunteering in Africa?

The Catholic Church needs to stop alienating its own people of faith. The Vatican just pointed the finger at some Nun’s for being “radically feminist”. I think they wanted to wear shorts to a picnic or something. Get with it Mr. Pope, we want the loving New Testament God, not the Old Testament wrathful one.  

Well, maybe I worry about a large mix of both small and big things. Maybe everything pisses me off just a little bit. I suppose that’s why I do take such great joy in the times when I can step out and back from the world and just breathe.  


  1. "tear their fool head off" bwaaa haaaa haaa

    You know what pisses me off? When stupid autocorrect turns my "haaaaaa" into "has".

  2. Ok. All of these are valid points.
    But be careful. Once you start listing off things that piss you off, your mind can become this express train to misery town that will find you pissed off at even smaller offenses.
    That being said - I have your back, so let's go beat up some non-existant protestors until you feel better, m'kay?