Going Nowhere

“So if you get like a sexy vampire character to decide they want to become a priest and then go out to kill other vampires, is that too much like the whole Blade thing”, asked Jerry.

“What man? That’s like, awesome. But why did you say sexy? Like, can’t only dudes be priests”, replied Chazz.

Jerry took a deep hit off the bong and held up his, ‘hold on a minute’, finger. He held it for a long while and then passed the bong back to Chazz.

“Like, no. Well, I suppose that’s true. Maybe I can like, make her a nun”, said Jerry.

“Yeah man. A sexy nun vampire who kills vampires. That’d be pretty sweet”, said Chazz.

Jerry turned back to his laptop and started typing while Chazz took another hit. Jerry was a terrible typist when he was stoned. He could barely string a sentence together, let alone spell anything right.

It was quiet in the living room of the apartment Chazz and Jerry shared, and had shared for the last two years. Chazz was off in some sort of dreamland stupor while Jerry tried to think of a name for his sex addicted vampire nun character.

“What’s a sexy nun name?”

“Huh? Um… like, Joanna. I like Joanna”, said Chazz as if from a distant world.

“You only say that because she checks out our groceries at the store and you thought she was trying to hit on you but she was really just checking your ID.”

“Whatever man, I love her and we’ll be together someday”, said Chazz.

“Dude, she’s like thirty something”, said Jerry.

“Shut up dude. She’s a babe and hot and sexy and stuff”, pouted Chazz.

Jerry reached for the bong on the coffee table and packed it full. He’d tried to stop smoking so much weed so he could focus on his writing, but then he discovered he couldn’t write unless he was high, but then he was told that he sucked as a writer so he’d just been getting high for the last three months. Chazz was always high as a kite.   

“So what name do you like”, exhaled Jerry.

“I said Joanna. Dude, you’re so high. Don’t you have your brother’s thing to go to later?”

Jerry rolled his head to the left and looked at the clock on the cable box. He had to get to his brother’s wedding rehearsal by 4:30 and it was already 2:28.

“Crap, I better get ready”, said Jerry.

“You suck as a brother”, laughed Chazz.

“Shut up douche. I’m a great brother, like the best brother ever man”.

Chazz laughed and took the bong away from Jerry.

“Go get cleaned up man, you stink”, said Chazz.

“Whatever. I need to finish this story thing first”.

“Who are you taking to this wedding as your date”, asked Chazz.

Jerry sat for a minute trying to remember. He was pretty sure he had asked someone.

“Oh, right. Joanna”, said Jerry.

Chazz started coughing as he inhaled the heavy smoke from the bong. He practically spilled it on himself as he convulsed from the hearty coughing.

“Joanna! My Joanna”, Chazz finally hacked out.

Jerry had stood from the computer desk and was near the windows that face the street.

“Hm? Yeah”, said Jerry.

“You suck."

“Yeah. I know”, said Jerry.